I Was Diagosed On My Seventeenth Birthday...

I can't control it. It gets the best of me everyday. I had beautiful long hair... Now, it's short and patchy, and I can't stand it. Yet, I pul so much. It hurts me. When I'm sitting at work, driving or at home, I constantly pull without even thinking about it. When I was diagnosed on my birthday, I knew I couldn't have a good day, because it was on my mind. I've been through five anti-depressants, thinking that it could help me in some way. Did it? Well, for maybe two months did Celexa help. My parents don't understand. My friends. My boyfriend. They all tell me, "You need to stop." I always say: "You try doing it, then tell me to stop."

When I pull, I pull the root out of my scalp, also. I love playing with it, and with the hair itself. But, after I tear the root off of the hair, I drop it, no matter where I am. It's hard to control it when I'm in public, when I'm at a resturant. I've lost my social life because of how insecure I am about my bald spots. I forgot what it's like to have my long hair, since it's been so long.

I have the Trichotillomania Awareness Ribbon as a tattoo on me. I'll never forget the day my life changed. My doctor told me that I'll never get over it. Determined, yes, to get past it, but right now it's getting the best of me. I'm 18 now, and I'm pulling now more than ever.

My stress and depression is what triggers it, my doctor say, but, I believe that anything can trigger my 'pulling'. Keeping my hands and mind busy at the same time isn't as easy as it sounds.

Is it hereditary? I don't want my kids to have it, when I have some...

I can only hope that I get over this... I hope and beg to someone that I can get through this, because now I've lost everything.
penguinxx penguinxx
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 4, 2012

i like the idea of the tat. im almost 23 n i still pull. i have heard a method as simple as using oven mitts on ur hands when ur sitting around home.or a rubberband around the wrist to snap urself when u go to pull. i havent tried either. i feel like there have been times where is not as bad, but lately its been pretty bad. good luck! you are not alone

If anyone could help me... Give me pointers, tips, or books that I should read, that'd be great... Please.