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Back With A Vengeance..

I am a 29 year old wife and mother of two boys. I had trichotillomania as a child along with thumbsucking. I did it from a very small child until I was about 10 and then somehow I grew out of the thumbsucking and the hair pulling went away with it. I thought I would never again have to think of either.. I was wrong. I have been through a lot in my life from childhood on up including dysfunction and all manners of abuse. When I met my now husband I thought my life had changed for the better, and it has in most respects. We have had our struggles and made it through a lot together. But along the way somehow I picked up the hair pulling and thumbsucking again. I remember when it all started again, just not sure why. We were trying for a baby and we got pregnant, life was great! Then we found out our daughter was sick and that we were going to lose her. At 7 1/2 months pregnant we lost her and it was the hardest thing I've been through, and I think him as well. He shut me out during the pregnancy after we found out she was sick and after we lost her he shut me out for a year. It was about 10 months after her death and about 2 months before the 1 year anniversary of her death/birth that I started pulling my hair out and thumbsucking again. I had gained nearly 60 lbs from a depression med they put me on, my husband was in his own world and neglecting me severely and I was not coping well with the anniversary of her death coming up. It started with the thumbsucking, it seemed to comfort me and after a short time felt natural again and then in rapid succession I started touching, rubbing, yanking on my hairs at the nape of my neck and it felt comforting. It has been almost two years since I started that and I am stuck. I can't seem to stop. I have a large bald spot at the nape of my neck at my hairline and cannot wear my hair up because I can't hide it. Things have improved soooo much in life! My husband and I are great and have come together again and we became pregnant again and now have a healthy baby boy.. but.. the thumbsucking and hair pulling remains. I am very ashamed and I hide both things from my husband and everyone else. I can't seem to stop and I'm not sure how I relapsed in the first place after 17 years. I just want to feel normal and I miss my ponytails and cute updos that I can no longer do..
tiggersgirl08 tiggersgirl08 26-30, F Jan 31, 2013

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