My Trichotillomania JourneyTrichotillomania is a horrible disorder to have. People just stay "why don't you just stop", but it not easy at all. In my case I pull hair from my scalp.
For as long as I remember I was pulling my hair. I guess you can say it began when I was 4 or 5. My mother said she had to cut all the hair off the rocking horse I had because I would pull and eat the hair. She ended up taking me to the doctor because I had some caught in my throat. I know weird, right. I HAVENT ATE HAIR SINCE. As I got a little older I would pull the little nap balls out the back of my hair. From there I started to pull a little of my hair line in the front. I use to not be conscious of pulling most of the time. So in high school I would just be sitting there in class then the next thing I know there is hair all over my desk. And I would just think " what am I doing." It wasn't until a year ago I had pulled just about all my hair from the side of my head to the back of my ear and I had two huge bald spots in the back of my head. At the time my husband worked out of town a lot so he would be gone a week or weeks at a time so he couldn't really see how bad I was pulling until he came home. I remember getting up for work and I had a bandana on my head. When I took it off he notice my bald spots, but he blamed it on the bandana I was wearing. My husband and family knows I do it but we don't talk of it. I think he didn't acknowledge I had done it because he didn't want me to feel bad or he didn't want to believe I did it. After that I cut all my hair off and I stopped for awhile because I had no hair to pull, but I relapsed. So I permed my hair. I thought maybe if I straighten my hair I wouldn't pull as bad. It didn't work. When it started again I cut it all off. I let it grow out into and afro again but it just got worst. I had pulled the sides of my hair back to my ear just about. I pulled spots in the back of my head. Now for the third time I cut my hair off. I'm hoping this will be the last time. I can't stop. Its getting bad. I'm trying so hard, but the trich is winning. I've had a few days where I pull zero to a little and feel so good. Then I have them days where I just pull and pull and feel just so awful. I feel shame and wonder why would god make a freak like me. But God doesn't make mistakes and he doesn't give you anything you can't handle. I don't know why god made me this way but everything happens for a reason. I have prayed and still pray I will stop. Its going to be a long journey but I'm going to make it. I'm really looking forward to talk to people that understand what I'm going through. I also hope it will help me stop. Thank you for taking time to read this.
laquitabonita 18-21, F 2 Responses 0 Jul 23, 2013