The Horror of Having to Disguise Yourself
I'm Jordan and I'm fourteen. I've been pulling since I was about ten or so. I've pulled my scalp hair, eyelashes, eyebrows. I tried to hide it from everyone, I parted my hair a certain way, had strange makeup rituals, and made up lies that eventually got old. If someone tousled my hair, I freaked out. I couldn't go swimming or do other things because I was so afraid of showing myself. Every time I would pull I would have this crushing sense of being ashamed. I would cry and hate myself. Sometimes I would pull in class while taking a test. I wouldn't even know I was doing it. Then one day I got tired of looking strange and going through all these crazy precautions to look normal. All I wanted was to be able to take a shower, not have to put on makeup, and not feel like a freak. So I would just sit on my hands, or pinch myself really hard. I wanted so badly to be "normal" that I stopped for the most part. I do it infrequently now. I have my scalp hair back, and my eyelashes. Most of my eyebrows are here but i still fill them in a little with makeup. The worst part about my trich experience is that my mother would always yell at me, and tell me i looked like a freak and that i looked like i had been burned in a fire. Only a couple close friends who were around me a lot ever noticed, and they are understanding and helpful.