I Have Trichotillomania.

 I remember the first time I started pulling.  I was in the 7th grade, in my basement and watching Erin Brockovich.  I felt one eyebrow hair that was a thick and different texture than the rest.  I kept trying to pull it out, not realizing that I was pulling out all of the hairs around that one, without getting the one I wanted.  This actually started because I had started plucking my eyebrows, but my mom wanted me to get them professionally done, so she banned me from plucking my eyebrows myself.  Since I knew she wouldn't let me, I wanted to try to get that one out on my own, without going behind her back.

After that day, my pulling slowly started getting worse.  When my friends and other students started noticing and commenting, my pulling got worse and I moved onto my eyelashes.  By eighth grade, I had moved onto my hairline.  I was able to stop pulling my hairline by high school, I could mostly stop on my eyelashes, but my eyebrows have continued to be a problem.  I'm now a junior in college and still dealing with this.  I tried anti-depression medication, but it did nothing to help, except to comatose me.  

After eight years of pulling, today is the first day that I have had the courage to research this.  Finally coming to terms with this and writing about it is the free-est I've felt in almost a decade.  I feel like I can finally tell my long term boyfriend why I have to fill in my eyebrows, and why I sometimes have missing eyelashes.  I also feel like this is the platform I finally need to help myself stop.  

 

newyork5 newyork5
18-21
Mar 23, 2009