The only reasons I am ashamed of the 4 times I've done this is because is that I tried to end Gods gift & that I am ashamed of trying to end before helping every one that I can. Only one of the 4 times was I close to actually getting it done. That time I did actually see my life pass before me & immediately afterwards saw the light. No joke. I still don't remember what woke me out of it. But I remember the first thing I did was grabbed the phone & called 911. This time that I just talked about was the last time I tried. I still think about it every day. The only days I do not think about it are when I'm extremely busy/exhausted & when I truly feel loved, cared about, wanted, & needed. Not used. Biggest reason I've come up with to not do it is that I don't know how to do it without hurting innocent people. Side note is that yes I know I am helping people therefore I am wanted & needed. It's the not having close friends, close family, significant other, or children that keeps me thinking the way I do. Not ever being close with my mom hurts the most.
deleted deleted
1 Response Jan 23, 2016

i really admier you and im sure that youl change the world some day