Complicated....

I have never been able to just completely say wats wrong with me or wats bothering me.  I always relate everything to music. I put in a cd and i swear there is a part of a song that just totally means something to me....I Have OCD for those of you that dont know thats Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  It complicates everything too lol I have to have everything organized and even numbers mean everything....i randomly find myself counting i have to do everything at least twice....check all the doors and make sure their locked....its even so bad when i lock the doors of my car and the horn beeps i have to do it twice or it just bugs me.  People....MEN in general just dont understand and **** with all my **** and **** everything up.  I organize everything PERFECTLY...why do you have to touch it.. then the usual fight of omg  wat the hell is wrong with you comes up....then it turns into a break up. Everytime i find myself wondering.  Its not me completely you knew what you were getting into from the beginning.  I hope that who i am with now is the one.  He is understanding Personable and just generally understanding.  But im still back to square one.  Sometimes he irritates the **** out of me but i just cant say anything because i feel like is nothing and im making a big deal out of nothing.  Which is usually the case.  and since im on the subject of sharing how i cant communicate with words...when i get into a fight with my significant other this is the song well lyrics that help me....Thanks to Seether : )

"And im the one you can never trust, cause wounds are ways to reveal us. And yeah, i could have tried and devoted my life to both of us, BUT WAT A WASTE OF MY TIME WHEN THE WORLD WE HAD WAS YOURS.  So break me down if it makes you feel right, and hate me now if it keeps you alright you can break me down if it takes all of your mind, cause im so much more than all your lies" 

That song makes my day no matter the situation.  Maybe one day communicating will get easier.

tink0124 tink0124
22-25, F
Feb 21, 2010