I'm Lonely, Stressed & Sad. Do I Talk Too Much?I could blame my moving around so much in the past 10 years as a reason for having no friends, but I've never really had "friends". People to hang with sometimes while growing up, but not really a FRIEND.
I've had a very stressful life, but I can't seem to filter it. I thought that maybe I talk too much about me personally. I guess I tend to dump what is going on because it may be the only person I've talked to that week. Then they go away. I tell myself the next person I meet I won't mention things personal, but I do. I can't seem to stop.
I tend to think I have a good sense of humor, but I always seem to make the wrong joke. Or say the wrong thing. Or embarrass people even though nothing was meant personally, or even directed at them.
I have a hard time trusting. Too many times I try to help too much, or even a little, then never hear from them. I've given money, time, help, then nothing. No one calls me back.
I have MS and have too many "bad" days to hold a job. I just don't go out too often.
When I do meet someone, I'm now afraid to want to be friends because I always do something wrong and again, I feel like I'm the one getting hurt. So when the first meeting goes well, I'm afraid to call and trust in another get together.
I thought maybe I was a "toxic" friend even though I don't think I fit, but was willing to try to change. All I find online are how to get away from toxic friends, not how to help yourself if you are one.
I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong. I can't really blame it on my current situation because even when I was healthy and working, or younger, I've never really had a "best friend" or someone who rushed to my side when something went wrong.
So here I sit. Crying. Lonely. Afraid.