So Embarrassing

I suppose that it's really that I have trouble holding on to friendships.  I am lonely, really, and don't know what to do to change my situation...
I'm multi-racial, and all my life that's been an issue for me.  I went to pretty much homogeneous schools and was picked on for not being the right color, and my intellect or lack thereof set me apart all my life, until I was an adult. 
I was unfortunately rejected emotionally by my mother and fully rejected by my father, which didn't help me to trust people and trust reaching out.
Now, because I have become accustomed to rejection, I automatically expect it, and that makes me so wary of people and has turned me into a loner.
The thing is, though, that I'm friendly, and outgoing, and I like people.  So this is a hard thing to go through...
I really encourage anyone reading this to reach out to me, because I'm ready to make some real friends in this world.  :)
deleted deleted
26-30
6 Responses Aug 5, 2007

even i feel the same.............

I can identify with a lot you are saying. I think that people somehow sense that you are expecting rejection from them and it makes them uneasy. We can act "as if" we are friendly and confident to attract others but it my dream to find people I can feel at home with, be myself and feel that I am accepted warts and all.

For me it's both. I have trouble holding onto friends and making new ones. I used to have heaps of friends but nearly all of them have moved on. Depsite my best efforts to keep in contact, they're just not interested. Yet I'm the same person I always was - friendly, warm and genuinely caring - and I have not done anything wrong that would push them away. And making new friends is becoming much harder as I get older. I try but with very poor results. As a result I don't have many friends, which makes me feel very lonely and sometimes quite depressed.

hey lovely,i want you to believe that you are really a great person and it is not your fault that you don't have much friends, may be you are unique and differ from other people.i have many friends but sometimes i really feel lonely and no one can understand me.honey love your self,it is the most important.

Hi, wordgirl. I totally understand where you're coming from! I feel the same way. I won't give you a b.s. "cheer up" speech, but I will say that I bet you're a really great person and people should take the time to get to know people like you and I. They don't know what they are missing.

You can get through it. It's so hard not to feel like you're being tossed around in a hurricane, when you're left to fend for yourself emotionally. Respect and love yourself, and don't lose your sense of humor!