When I was younger, I was bullied and made fun of--even by teachers! My mom took me out of school in fourth grade and started to home school me.

It was during this year that we moved to a new part of the neighborhood--there were lots of kids around my age living nearby. I told myself that I was going to change and be someone people wanted to be friends with, but it backfired horribly.

Eventually I became desperate for friends and became a doormat--I stared hanging out more with a certain friend, mostly because a lot of the other kids had ditched me or betrayed me somehow. But this ended after a few months, since she always bossed me around and threatened to stop being my friend if I didn't do something!

Even my best friend of nearly four years dumped me! After this I sort of became very lonely and depressed. I was happy sometimes, but I cried every night and my mom nearly took me to a psychiatrist. I will admit that this friend could be mean and boss me around sometimes, but I missed spending out birthdays together, and I missed having sleepovers.

Of course, I did (and still do) have another friend, but he's a boy and it would be pretty awkward to have a sleepover with him and talk about our crushes.

I made a few new friends, all of whom lost interest in me after a few months. I'm so sick of this, I'm sick of watching other girls my age have social lives, and I AM SICK of my own life! I cry hysterically because I don't have any nearby friends or a boyfriend, and I feel like I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life!!

I sometimes imagine myself as an old cat-lady in like fifty years. I'm actually crying right now thinking about when I'm older. I feel like I'm going to die and have my body discovered a month later, already half rotten and eaten by cats! I love cats, but I also really want to have a social life!

I feel like I'm being ungrateful or something, but I really want a more active social life! I only have one friend (the guy I mentioned earlier) who lives an hour's drive away! I can't drive even if I want to, since I'm thirteen and can't get my license till I'm an adult.

I really do try and find friends, but no-one is interested in me and I feel like I appear too desperate! I hate this and really want to stop, but don't know how! What should I do?
HatersGonnaHateMe HatersGonnaHateMe
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 21, 2014

Hi, this is actually my first Post, so I'll do my best. :)
I think your problem might be, you trying to be friends with people who aren't like you. I know the feeling of wanting to have someone that understands you or just someone to hang out with. But if you're ok with anyone, it's probably gonna end badly. If you're not compatible with somebody, or gonna get tired of each other or simply find the others company boring.

You might wanna try to find someone wth similar interests or hobbies. Or you could try joining a Club.

The most important thing would of course be:
Be yourself. Don't try to be someone people would want to be friends with, be someone YOU want to be friends with.
Don't do things you aren't comfortable with to fit in. Think about what you like, and the things you like to do. Ask others what they like and find common ground or interests.

I really hope you find somebody, don't lose hope and stay positive! If you're always thinking about people abandoning you, then those kinds of people will keep showing up in you life.