I Always Seem To Say Or Do The Wrong Thing

In the past I think I missed social/verbal cues from people when they were trying to get to know me, to be friends with me.  Upon realizing this (a few years ago)  I decided I should be more upfront, assertive intead of being unsure.  This change of strategy does not seem to be working either because I am getting the same results.  We talk periodically, but that's it.  I wouldn't feel as though I were doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong things nearly as much but  other people seem to flourish in this area of friendship.  Since I was very young I have always observed people.  What do people find annoying, endearing. What is socially acceptable to say or do.   

I am not stupid (I'm not a braniac, either).  I don't live a really exciting life but I do have opinions about life, people and whatever else. 

When I was quiet and shy all the time, people would make comments, "Hey, you're too loud...Do you ever talk".  I was so fearful of saying the wrong thing that I would barely respond.  Presently, I will have a response which will likely result in laughter.   I am funny too.  Not easily offended.  I am not judgemental.  I am a good listener.  I have a lot to say, if given the go ahead to speak my mind.

Thank you for reading....

semihippiechic semihippiechic
31-35, F
4 Responses Feb 28, 2010

@ winter....for me, i figured out that b/c of circumstances in my life i had learned to keep people at a distance so they would not find out the pain i was experiencing. i did this for so long (for the better part of 13 years) that i forgot how to make friends, communicate etc. I am better now than I used to be. I have since made some friends...I was frank with them, told them how I felt and found out that they feel the same way as I do...walking into a room of people and the walls are closing in, always saying the wrong thing....I don't know how old you are, but these realizations took me a while and they did not come easily. i hope you can figure things out WAY before me. i am a bit stubborn : /

Semihippiechic I too am INFJ and have great difficulty expressing myself becuase of it. Although I have met and married someone I believe that it was purely because someone would have me and not becuase of more common reasons. Now I find myself unable to find a way out of it because like you say I am not "intrested in superficial". I feel like she only is and now I have no one to talk to. Hope that makes sense.

Thank you GalinDeed :) Sometimes I feel very alone as I watch people interact. I understand that some of the interaction between people is superficial. I am not interested in superficial. As I was doing errands today I thought about the story above I think my inability to make friends has more to do with my personality type (INFJ) and as long as I am fighting it, I will feel worse about myself. I need to work with my personality and temperament and not think too much about the kind of situations that I would not be comfortable in anyway.

You are not alone in feeling this way. EP is full of people like me and you.