Can't Quite Move On To A Full Blown Relationship

Long story ,I will try to keep it short..Met my ex husband at 16,married at 26 after living together for 8 years (we did split for 18 months) ,seperated at 40 divorced at 45,still very good friends,still my best friend .
It was the usual got to that age and wondered where we were going ,sexless marraige,no going out together,great parents,great room mates but all else had gone,so we split.He was also smoking a lot of dope and had said he loved me but wasnt in love me when our second son was 2 ,I was about 33 then,after that the sexless time started. It has been incredibly hard moving on ..for both of us..and yet we cannot seem to reconnect..because our grandosn is at my house 3 nights a week ,he pops in a couple of times a week,we get on well,he does jobs for me around the house,we can hug..and I know we still love each other ..but I also feel like what are we doing,why can't i let go and move on . He is happy on his own ,always been a bit of a loner,me I'm fairly happy on my own but would really like to have someone to share life with again.6 years ago , I met someone we'd being seeing each other a few times a month,going  out for days and last year a weeks holiday. They very much from the start said they werte in love me, I said I didnt feel the same,they were happy for us to keep seeing each other and knew all  about my ex and my feelings. This man was lovely to me treated me very well,  but always seemed over the top and too compliant,as in doing everything for me,I'd feel uncomfortable as I knew he had very strong feelings and I just could not recipricate ..I felt a lot for him,enjoyed our time together,but his attentiveness always seemed over the if trying to win me over ..which maybe he was,I dont know.Anyway I couldnt stand not being able to recipricate his love to me,and in truth was unsure if i could move on to a furure with him..and I know some of that is because I am still hung up on my ex. I know I will always love my ex ,we have been through so much and are always there for each other..but I think I also know there is nothing more.
So I have said goodbye to my gentleman friend and am now wondering if I have done the right thing..we ahd good times he treat me like any lady would like to be treat..I could not put 100% into him and I dont know if that was because I just was not attracted enough to him ,or if that was an excuse because I still love my exhusband and am scared to move on from that love. If I didnt feel that way would I hjave put more effort into loving this man properly.My first instinct when I met this man was ,no not for me, but some friends said dont be shallow and give him a chance,so I did,he is the opposite of guys I normally go for looks wise,so maybe that has something to do with it. Right now I do not know what to think !! Maybe I am best just being on my own for  a while..althpugh I am already missing this mans company .
Thanks for reading any advise appreciated
thenunn thenunn
1 Response May 14, 2012

Hi Tom,I think the answers you are looking for are ver personal to each individual..for me I will always love him,whatever our relationship and I know he is the same..its just our relationship changed and staying together was hurting us ,we have a life time of friendship and that will never leave and i would never want it to,so even though it has been painful many times since we split,it was l worth it.Our splitting was never about meeting other people it was about us not hurting each other.And yes i have loved another,since but not enough for me to think i want to live with..i do not think i will love anyone qute the same ,but i will love...and so will you. Just because a relationship changes does not mean we have to throw pots and pans at it ,one bad apple does not make a bad tree..we just have to accept it is as it is,enjoy it for what it is now and get on with life. best wishes to you and your future