My Heart Hurts.

Things are not going so well in my relationship. I'm planning on leaving my fiance. To make things harder we have a son together, he's 11 months old. I have so many fears about leaving him. I haven't had a job in over 2 years. I would have rather worked than stayed at home, but he didn't want me to. I worry that I won't be able to be a single mom. I worry that I won't be able to provide for my son. :( I know other women do it all the time. And it's going to be really hard missing out on his life. And I guess that's a pretty rational fear. But I also worry that I won't be able to find anyone who wants to be with me and I will die alone. Or that I won't be able to find someone that loves my son. Another persons child is a lot to take on in a relationship. I know I shouldn't be thinking about dating right now, and I'm not saying I plan on jumping into something serious. I just worry about the future a lot.

I am so unhappy here with my fiance. I don't think I've ever smiled so little in my life. I constantly feel like crying. Like I am just stuck here, in this situation, and I feel like I can't get out. I want so badly to just leave right this very second. But I feel like I have to wait, and I'm worried I'm going to go completely insane. :(
NoWhiteFlag NoWhiteFlag
22-25, F
2 Responses May 16, 2012

Yeah, I think if both parents are mature and deal with things as adults should, it wouldn't be too hard on the kids. Maybe your fiance has just become too complacent in his ways and thinks he can just get away with whatever he wants and you won't do anything about it?

I literally just made one of these things and I guess we are in similar groups because your profile popped out at me 2 or 3 times, so I clicked on it and read this and just had to comment. I don't have a child nor can I really comprehend how you must be feeling but my best friend is going through a similar situation right now so I know how hard it must/would be. Maybe your fiance isn't aware of how unhappy you are in your relationship? Have you tried talking to him or going to therapy or anything? I would expect a relationship to suffer a bit when you first have a child and with yours being 11 months, I can understand going through some difficulties. <br />
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I hope you don't take this as criticism or anything like that, but being a kid from divorce (you may be as well, I don't know) it is really hard to deal with, so I personally think any couple with a child should exhaust every option possible before separating. I do understand that sometimes that separating is what is best. And ultimately you need to make that decision ba<x>sed solely on you and your son. If that does turn out what is best for you, I think you'll be alright. You seem to care very deeply for your child and that would drive a mother to do everything possible to make sure their child has what he or she needs. I hope things work out for you and am very sorry you're going through this. :( Good luck.

Thank you. My parents divorced when I was 12. It wasn't that hard on me personally but I realize that it affects everyone differently. I have tried talking to him, several times, over the course of months. He just apologizes, acts like he feels bad, and then changes nothing.