Lack of Trust Is Exausting!!!!!

I want a trusting relationship, I really do. But, thanks to my mother, (may God rest her soul) I learned at an early age not to trust and how to lie. I know that now I am a big girl and all grown up now. I have since realized the painstaking effort that it takes to lie. So, I pretty much stear clear of telling lies, (unless it is my kids, they don't need to know everything). But, as far as trust next experience of feeling the pain of deceit was with the father of my oldest son. Shortly after we had our first child, that passed away shortly after birth, he started cheating on me, (man #1). Then my next relationship that I was in and was blessed with 2 children from, was a complete and total sick, abusive, twisted web of deceit, (man #2). That is a another story all together. The next relationship which almost led to a marriage, was with an alcoholic liar. Now, for the present....I am with the man that I want to grow old with. Whom, I want to believe but it is hard, wants to grow old with me. He is amazing, everything all wrapped up into one and I am in love with him. But, due to my lack of trust, checking his cell phone and laptop when is not around or is sleeping, I might end up losing him. I know that he can only take so much of my expecting and searching for lies. But, I just don't want to get hurt and I am not a fool. I don't know how to trust and stop snooping. Help me if you have advice!!!!

seekingnrjoy seekingnrjoy
36-40, F
1 Response Mar 26, 2009

Realize that the past is the past. You don't need to hold onto your old beliefs and know that not all men are alike. <br />
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It sounds as though, maybe, you've finally stopped choosing the wrong type of guy but need to shake those doubts.<br />
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Has he given you any reason to doubt him? If not and if you truly want to grow old with him, you know you must give him the benefit of the doubt. He's not one of those men from your past so don't project them onto him. He's an innocent and the snooping will only alienate him.<br />
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Simply said, stop! It might be tough at first but I have a feeling you'll begin to really enjoy this wonderful man that you've found.