Saw My Boyfriend Deleting A Text Conversation

Ok, so I feel like I am being a total girl about this, which I HATE, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that I should be concerned.  Yesterday after work, my boyfriend went out with a friend of his to play disc golf, and was really drunk and giddy when he came home.  He sat down at the table and pulled out his phone, and I saw out of the corner of my eye that he was deleting a text conversation.  He and I have the same type of phone, and little red window pops up asking if you're sure that you want to delete the conversation, so I didn't have to look too hard to see that's what it was.  The only reason that I know what it looks like is because I have to delete texts from this guy that I used to work with who sends me ridiculous dirty jokes all of the time that I don't even want to look at, much less keep on my phone.  I've told him to stop it, but that makes him send them even more.  It's annoying, but harmless, and my boyfriend knows about it and I've shown him the messages.  Anyway, when I saw that my boyfriend was deleting a text string, I asked him what he was doing and he said that he was sending a text to his buddy to let him know that he left his wallet at his place.  As soon as he said that, he pulled up another text conversation and started typing.  I didn't think much about it at first, although it did strike me as odd, but the more I think about it, the more I'm convincing myself that he must have something to hide.  I don't read his texts, so that makes me even more suspicious because why would he hurry up and delete a conversation when he gets home unless he wants to get rid of the evidence just in case I become suspicious of something?  I want to talk to him about it tonight, but I'm afraid that talking about it will get me nowhere.  Am I reading way too much into this, or would anyone else consider his behavior suspicious?
TreadingWater TreadingWater
31-35, F
5 Responses May 10, 2011

I too have a weird feeling my man (of 2years whom my daughter and I live with) is hiding things from me.... He just started this new job and he thinks he's king ****, he tells me he loves me we plan on getting married but he never leaves his phone out so I can see it, and he doesn't let me look at it. We have had problems in the past him being scandalous and talking to other girls, but we have overcome those issues, however I have a hard time trusting him.... We do everything together and are in bed every night together. I just feel like he's hiding something from me and Im not sure if I'm being a psycho freak or If it's a real feeling and my intuition is telling me something.

I'm so sorry to hear about your predicament. It has to be hard when you're not only making decisions for yourself, but for your babies, too. We as women, although there are certainly exceptions to the rule, usually want to be able to talk to our partners about anything and everything and want them to do the same. For us, just talking about things is a resolution and makes us feel better, but for a lot of men, talking doesn't get anything accomplished. A lot of men think that if a problem presents itself, they have to act to solve it, not talk. I decided that I wouldn't say anything to my boyfriend about the deleted texts. I felt that I should give him the benefit of the doubt and not make a huge deal out of something that's probably not anything to worry about. I think that if our guys are hiding something from us, we'll find out about it sooner or later, and I decided that I don't want to create drama or add stress to our relationship because my imagination is dreaming up all sorts of sordid possibilities of what he could be hiding from me. <br />
In your situation, though, it sounds like you have pretty much decided that you would leave if it weren't for your son and your unborn baby. I wouldn't worry about if other people would find you appealing, though, because of your situation. If the guy that you're with now isn't the right one for you, there's someone else out there who is, and he'll love you for you, and the rest comes with the package. You have to do what's best for you and your babies. I hope that everything works out for you, and I'm sure that it will. Thanks for your comment!

I've got major trust issues & like what Aether71 posted. It's easier said then done though. <br />
I have a feeling that my partner is hiding something from me too & it's driving me insane. <br />
I don't like asking too much questions either because I don't want to be perceived as the nosey, jealous & insecure girlfriend that I am. I do want to leave as I feel things are just getting worse BUT.. I don't want to leave what we've shared in the last 4 years (it's been mostly fun). That & I'm 4 months pregnant with a son from a previous marriage... SO - a solo mum with 2 kids with different dads doesnt sound very appealing - AT ALL. I'm glad you shared this though... I thought it was insightful.

The thing is, I'm not sure if I trust him or not. Trust is very important to me, too, but he is just a very secretive/private person, which has been difficult for me to deal with. I try to let him have his personal space, but I think that in a relationship, you shouldn't feel as if the other person keeps things from you, and he gets very defensive if I, in his words, "ask too many questions". I'm not sure what to do at this point. He's a very sweet person, and I really don't think that he would ever cheat on me, but it's just that shadow of a doubt that drives me bonkers. Yeah, I thought about that if he was trying to hide something that he probably would've deleted the conversation before he got home, but he rides a motorcycle, so I keep thinking that maybe he just didn't have a chance to until he got home. UGH!!! I will talk to him tonight and see what he says, and I suppose I'll go from there. Thanks for your advice, Aether. I hope that all is well in your world.

Above all else i value trust in my relationship. I don't know if he has given you reason to distrust him in the past, but if that is the issue i don't know if I would be sticking around long enough to care if he is hiding something or not. So you must make a decision, do you trust him or not? If you do then take his word for it and let it go, if you do not then there is no reason to stay in the relationship and leave. They both end in the same place of letting it go in my opinion. If he was trying to hide something why wouldn't he have deleted the conversation before he walked in the door?