Its Lonely To Not Have Anyone Who Truly Knows Who You Are....

Being burned by a number of "best friends" from back when my first memory of friendship formed until now has turned me into a version of a glorified hermit. I have intentionally shut countless numbers of people out of my life on purpose because I can't find it within myself to give them a second chance. I don't understand why I do this. Because I know exactly how I'll end up. Lonely. I have a boyfriend, but he gets angry with me all the time because he says I haven't ever truly opened up to him. But I never feel like I can. He doesn't exactly make it easy...but that's a different demon. I would love to be able to share my thoughts and feelings with someone who I can trust, but I seem to never be able to find that person.

Its crazy, because my parents instilled integrity, hard-work, trust-worthiness, and encouragement into me. I don't understand where this guarded attitude comes from. Lately, its sent me into a pretty deep depression. I don't know how to fix it. I feel like I'm watching myself intentionally sabotage all of the relationships that are important to me, and I feel like I can't do anything to stop it. I can't afford therapy, so here I am.
Purepurpose Purepurpose
26-30, F
3 Responses Sep 11, 2012

Well you have found a great place to open up and share who you are and how or what you feel.I hope you do write and share.I would like to hear your story.

One of the awesome things about this site is you can confess things tht you have never been able to. its not exactly the same as having a friend u can be completely open with, but it's still a powerfully freeing experience in my experience..

I have the same problem.When I do open up about personal issues to anyone I always end up regretting it anyway so it just seems better to bury the real me and show them what they want to see.