How To Completly Trust Again?

I want so badly to completely trust my husband again. I need to get to this place however he has made it extremely difficult by going behind my back and continuing a relationship / friendship with a woman he had an emotional affair with. It is almost a year and I need to move one. The question in my mind is "do I need to move on alone or can he leave her behind for good?". I am just not sure. I can not take the emotional roller coaster I feel like I am on. I do not care if he feels like she is a friend, I am his WIFE. He needs to pick or I feel as though I will have to make a choice. He can not have both, it is disrespectful to me. The only way I can heal with this is through open and honest communication. I truly love him and want to work this out but I can not continue to be disrespected by him, I deserve more!

I have a deadline in my head where I need to do something; I just hope it does not come to that. I want so badly to yell at this woman and say to stay out of our lives but I know better, my issue is not with her, it is 100% with him. If he feels he needs her presence in his life then so be it, my presence will only be as the mother of his son. I need to be put first. I need him to want to be 100% committed to me and our marriage and family. I am prepared to walk away should it come to that. I guess only time will tell. I hope he makes the decision that is best for him as I only want what is best for him. I love him with all my heart and it will be very painful to walk away but I will do what I need to do for me and my son to be happy!
smurphette smurphette
31-35, F
1 Response Jan 19, 2013

There's only a handful of people i'd take a stand against my woman (had I one) for and none of them are women I would have affairs with. Most of them are people I've had feelings for for so long and been friends with for so long that I've stopped wanting them and want them to be friends so we never risk it. I honestly think it's probably your right to have this demand. He agreed to monogamy and even polyamorious couples screen relationships they aren't comfortable with. It's the considerate thing to do to not continue the relationship so that you don't go crazy.

Thanks...I think he feels that since they now are only "friends" it is ok to talk to her when it clearly is NOT. My thought is that if you do not feel comfortable with me and a "friend" in the same room or going out to a dinner then that "friendship" is not acceptable to me.