Trust Weighed And Underpaid

I love a girl, whom I believe no longer loves me.

Its been almost a year and the pain has faded, but never truly left me. I spent 5 long years with her, grew up with her. So many things are different, daily tasks, events, places, people, things. I found it hard to sleep in my own bed.

I wake up and steel my heart. I guard myself against the false insecurities garnered against my mind. Losing hope I dove into depression headfirst, the un-ending sea of darkness, all consuming, and all destructive. I fling myself into daily activities all the while improving upon my person as I deem necessary. Never missing an opportunity to improve my personality as I go along. I grow, change, endure.

Whenever I see the light, the darkness beckons back to the sweet embrace of numbness. I refuse, this day is a new day, as is each day after it. I will continue to grow, continue to selflessly concern myself with others' problems over my own. There's always hope, even when things are their blackest.

If I give up, what would I have left?

I don't want to love her anymore. I deserve better.