I Want to Trust Him, But I Can't.

Last year, we were together- we never kissed, but we were passionate in every other way. He had...some family issues that he had to deal with. I wanted to love him and just be with him so badly. The months after went by and I assumed he had forgotten about me, he got a girlfriend  and then they went off to college and parted. I never got over him though. I thought he had been completely playing me the year before, he kept going dark or ignoring me after he realizedhe still had control. He kept popping into my life in random places, right when I had moved on. But, he was in college now, and there was no chance anymore.


This year, I had finally gotten over him. On Valentine's Day my dad was bored and wanted to do something new, so he booked us a flight to LA. I was excited and pretty much in shock. But I went along with it, our flight was a little delayed and we got the last two seats on the flight. The cab driver then took us a weird way to get to the hotel, and he could have turned off another street blocks earlier, but he didn't. I had been texting the entire time then looked up to notice a beautiful woman in a red dress with this rather scabby looking guy. I wondered why they were together. I then looked at the corner where three guys were sitting alone on Valentines day. My eyes weren't adjusted from my cell phone light yet. I then recognized the boy closest to the street. It was him. I texted (lets call him John) John, he then called me and we had a short little conversation about...well nothing really. Then the next day he texted me if I was free, and I said yes- of course. And met him in the afternoon at his campus. He gave me a lovely tour, and I met his friends, and it was all chill, perfect.

(Remember...I hadn't seen John in about 6 months, and was sure he had completely forgotten about me, and I live two states away normally. It was just nice to see him, no expectations. Everything was friendly)

He offered to drive me back to my hotel, and of course I couldn't pass this up...I was still in shock that I was here, and he was here. His company wasn't awkward at all, he was perfect... like usual. We talked and talked. I then got to my hotel and reluctantly got out of the car. He got out too to give me a hug. And we hugged, his hugs were always amazing. I didn't want to let go, so as soon as he did I clung on. He then kissed my cheek, which loosened me a little thinking that was my signal to go, then he kissed me... he actually kissed me. He pulled back to see my reaction, then I kissed him back...and we kissed...and kissed more. It was a yellow, warm sunset on the beach. Then rested our foreheads on each other. He said he'd wanted to do that a while, this whole year he's been waiting. It was fate that we saw each other, and I came to LA, that the woman with the red dress walked by, the cab driver took us a weird way, and our flight was delayed, and he was on the corner. He looked into my eyes and told me that he was going to spend all of his time with me when school ended. I didn't know what to do, and impulsively I hugged him and said "I love you." I don't know what I was thinking, but apparently we were on the same brain frequency because he said he loved me too with the same intensity as he meant it. He said he didn't want to let me go, I didn't want to go. But I had to leave, so he kissed my hand goodbye and watched me retreat into the hotel.

In shock, I left back for Seattle. He texted me multiple times that night, I was so head over heels confused.

I waited for him to call me, to text me, to do anything... a day went by...a week, two weeks.

I finally got the courage to text him. All I said was a non-flirtacious how are you-esque message. He responded with in a lack-luster way and never asked how I was, or not even implying anything had happened. I responded back, trying to give sympathy to his dull life. And he never responded.

I feel like an idiot to have trusted him, after it had happened last year too. I thought I loved him and for a moment I got everything I wanted, the perfect story. Everyone tells me, he's just lonely, he has issues and to make it better I am an idiot to believe him. I just don't see how he would be able to. He's amazing and he said he loved me. Shouldn't that have been enough, everything I've been waiting for.

He knows what he's doing to me, he must be a good liar. Or at least manipulator,  because quite frankly I don't think any of that gave off a signal that I read into. It was all clear, or so I thought.

I just, I love you.

shamrock17 shamrock17
18-21, F
1 Response Mar 3, 2009

I have playboy issues