Are You Sure You Love Me?

My hearts been broken real badly... He left me... HANGING.... I couldn't breathe... Rejected and alone... An outcast to his world... What do you do when you've given them everything... Only to have them throw it back in your face and walk away leaving you scattered... everywhere....

I'm now with someone else... He's good to me... And he's beautiful... But now I'm scared... Will this one be different...? I keep asking him... "Are you sure you love me?" I am so lucky though... Because he cares for me that much that he's patient and very understanding... The same reply... "YES IM SURE LANIE, I DO LOVE YOU!"

At first I'm filled with warmth and just for a moment my world doesn't feel or seem so shattered... For a split second I can actually smile... But then... The unecessary hate begins from outside forces... My self esteem starts spriralling down to an all time low... I've made my mistakes in the past... I've done things I am not proud of and have made me feel utterly ugly... ~tears~ I have been a horrible person at times out of anger and pain...

I begin to think back on the past... Remembering that feeling of rejection and hate and no-return..... How could he say he loved me and leave me....? It's happened more than once... How do I know that this time it won't be the same...? ~close my eyes frightened~ "ARE YOU SURE YOU LOVE ME?" the same answer... Why can't I just accpet his response... Because before I accepted it... And it left me with nothing.....

"I'm ugly and I have been such a horrible person! How or why would anyone love me???" ~looking at him~ "ARE YOU SURE YOU LOVE ME...?" I know what his answer is... The same... "Yes I am sure I love you Lanie..." I still can't accept it...

Lanie

LadySoulist LadySoulist
22-25, F
3 Responses Feb 22, 2010

Smile when some1 hurts u, Smile bcoz some1 still wants 2 c u SMILING !!

Thank you for sharing your story... You're so lucky to have found each other. : )

I'm aware that... It takes time... And I should be grateful and not blame this one for the mistakes of others... And I'm trying... I gotta be smart or else i'LL lose him... The more I dwell on the past the more the past will take over my future and it's not fair on him or me... LOVE WHAT I HAVE AND FORGET WHAT I LOST... It's time to move on... Learning to LOVE ME and LOVE HIM... more and more everyday...<br />
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Baby Steps...