Is 2 Better Than 1...?

i thought so.. but now i am not so sure....

I am a 35 year old female. For the last 3 yrs i have been living with a man who is, my "boyfriend". We met at a pary and nearly immediately, i was moving in with him into him (& his mother's) house. I found a full time job rather quickly, and we have been falling deeper & deeper into a very boring and "homey" life.. We get up.. Car pool to work.. he picks me up,. We maybe go to our local bar for a few drinks. And then go home. Pretty standard stuff for us, at our ages (me being 35, him 37.)

The sex was great between us at first. I am a verrrry sexual person and we used to get it on all the time. The last year or more we have been having more of a "cooled off" relationship, with very very little sex.


The last few months, I have been in a sexual relationship with a man who just turned 21 years old. It started when we met at a show seeing a band that had mutual friends of our in it. I found him online a short time later and we immediately got... "flirty".

I played hooky from work the first time to go see him. I went over to his place and we immediately began a physical relationship. I continued to skip out of work to see him, and also started sneaking out of the house late at night . We would kiss and ****, all night. I'd grab a cab home before the alarm went off at 6am and my regular bf had no idea.

Until about a week and a 1/2 ago. I got caught me sneaking back in after being out with my new luv all night. I played it off like i was out with friends, but eventually he figured everything out. I owned up to the affair and, well.. It was a very strange conversation - and after a lot of going back & forth... eventually, my bf acknowledged the fact that i needed this extra sexual attention and even made excuses for me as to why i am doing what i am.

a few days ago, it ended up that bf #1 came out at almost 7am to come pick me up and came into the coffee shop where i was with bf #2. Hello, akwaaaaarrrrrrdd situation. My new luv is a feisty, rough tough from the streets kinda guy. My "steady" guy is more of a suburban raised nice boy. The differences between the 2 are substantial.

Anyways. The talk we had that morning went from joking, to playful, to friendly, to weird, to really weird, and all around back again. My steady guy has accepted the fact that i am now physically and emotionally attached to this new guy, and he says if that's what i need and want, then he won't stop me from seeing him.

The issue now is.. The new guy really wants to be with me. he has jealousy issues, etc. He's young and still believes in the "fairy tale endings" that most of us adults know is just a fantasy.

I don't know how long i can keep stringing them both along. I want to make a decision but of course i am too afraid to hurt anyone's feelings.

i know this new guy is not going to be providing for me the way my steady guy does. Right now I have a stable place to live, i don't have to pay any bills, and i get driven around anywhere i need to go. I don't want to give that up but i really want to be on my own and have my own place, and see who i want when i want.

Anyways. I'm not sure what I am looking to get out of posting this here. I suppose just the act of writing it out like this is helping.

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read. Feel free to comment or tell me i suck or whatever.

- J











onefinemess onefinemess
31-35, F
2 Responses Jan 7, 2013

Your main squeeze sounds like a heck of an understand guy. None of my guys would stand for having the other guy around. How did you do this?

i don't know if i'd say i have really "done this" now. things didn't quite all work out like they were. I still talk to my "boytoy" but i made a decision to be true to my boyfriend. i'm really happy with him, things are the best they've ever been and we're talking about having a baby. :)

You deserve to keep both. They both fulfill u in different ways, and they should accept each other as important parts of your life. Now and then I get a little jealous but never in a bad way. When she's out with the boyfriend I know she loves me the same before, during, and after sex with him, and as much as they are extremely good for each other in bed, I could never be selfish and deprive them of each other.