I have days were I feel great and comfortable and others where I just feel...well I don't feel.

Right now I'm on a down, sometimes I feel on top of the world and sometimes I'm just going crazy or I'm just numb. Right now I feel like I don't belong in this world, like I'm just floating around, useless. I confide in a journal, I write, I sing, or I just get lost in a book because in doing so I don't have to feel like I'm in this life, but another. Eugh the thought of socializing right now just seems impossible, I tried there on MSN but just didn't feel like talking to anybody. I'm desperate to just take off, be a recluse for a while.

How wonderful it would be to just be able to take off and be alone for as long as you want, to be left alone with your thoughts, maybe bring my pets with me, sip wine everynight, stick on the TV, read as much as I want in peace, have a grand piano waiting on me, be in beautiful scenery, see all the wildlife out of my window and the sun come up and down.

I just want the world to go away for a little while.

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4 Responses Mar 15, 2009

I read this and it's as if I wrote it!! this is exactly how I feel. I think we all need a vacation from time to time.

What I have discovered recently, is that as a stay-at-home Mom, I don't have a lot of time available to me to be alone and have a good cry. So then I stuff it down inside and then it starts to leak out into other parts of my life in a negative way - either getting upset with my kids or husband or being stressed out over little things.<br />
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A release - we all need to figure out how to get it, don't we? I am so glad that you got a soul-cleaning - lol!

I definitely relate to the ups and downs (been on a major down this past week) and I also relate to the need to get away. I always think of that commercial that I remember from when I was little - "Calgon - take me away!" I have arranged with my husband to take at least one day a month to go off by myself. It has been good for me. Sometimes I have spent the day crying but crying is a good spring cleaning for the soul which is occassionally needed! Other times I have visited with friends and that is good for the soul also. I am actually feeling the need for 2 days a month and a weekend a quarter - I hope I can persuade him of that - I am offering him the same deal, but so far, he just takes his time alone every night after the kids are in bed (which is why I feel the need to get away more often, if you know what I mean!).<br />
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I am glad that you are now in an up mood - some times writing and sleep can do that for you - get it all out and have a good rest - what a mood enhancer!

i get like that sometimes-you just get tired of everyone and everything!