My Body Issues Story

Ive always had body problems and never thought i was beautiful!but i never worried bout what i weighed and when i was at high school when my mates would be on diets id be stuffin my face not givin a care in the world!!!i was naturally v skinny but when i started college i started noticin my body more!!i made friends with 2 very skinny girls!!!i also got my 1st boyfriend who was v controllin!!this all played with my mind!!!i becane v obsessed with my body and weight!i thought i was fat when lookin back i was soo skinny!i have a picture with me and my eldest niece when i was 17 and i was a twig!!!!!!!!but was convinced i was fat!!!!!!!!!it was all i thoguth bout!the guy i was sein wasnt v nice at all and his family hated me!!!his sister also had friend who was alos v skinny and i constantly compared myself to her and other skinny girls and i hated them and myself!!!!i was obsessed with bein skinny and that bein thin would make me happier!!i started cuttin back on what iwas eatin but not in dramatic way!even though i tried my hardest to not eat and got a buzz of the feelin of "bein skinny" i was alwasy complanin i was fat and comparin myslef to others!i became a horrible person.then i remember bein very nasty to, two tall skiiny women one day when i was in town andi went home and told my mum bout them 2 girls and she sat me down and shouted at me that i have an ED and if i carried on shed take me down the docs!althoguh i didnt cut food out completley and not 4 long i dont think i was anorexic!it snapped summit in me and i got rid of that guy i realised i wasnt fat!although the body issues were still there!i still thoguth i was still a bit fat!but got on with my life!!then bout 9 years ago i got a new job and i know it sounsd weird but every time i looked in the mirror all i saw was how ugly i was in the mirror!!!so i started wearin make up every day!!!!my real dad got admitted to hospital two as he was very poorly bout 5 years ago.i started thinkin about tryin not to eat event hough i just couldnt do it!ive tried to make myslef sick loads of times but cant do it!!!!!even though ive managed a few times!!the body issues have stayed with me every since!!!!sometims i have good days and like how i look and i post pics of myslef onto fb!but then i have bad days 2 and i constanly put myself down and put statuses up puttin myself down!i have to look inot every single mirror i see and spend a FORTUNE on make up!!!!i always compare myself to other women!!!!i always have a voice inside my head sayin how crap i look etc!!!!i constanlty think i have to be thinner and prettier to be happy with myself!!!!!thinkin that thats the way to be "perfect" im sick of feelin this way bout myself!!!!it really brings me down and sometimes it feels like its all i can think bout!!!a few of my friends have mentioned bout gettin help but i dont think i can!!!xx
loubielou82 loubielou82
26-30, F
1 Response May 20, 2012

I was always skinny too, but when I turned 21 I got some weight, i was actually happy with some of my changes, i went from 105 to 112 lb, and my husband started saying all kinds of stuffs about my body, that I look sloppy, my belly was too big, it was hanging, and nasty. Now I just feel terrible, ugly and rejected.