I Am A Woman Who Loves A Man With Low T

I am a woman who loves a man with Low T, and I'm hoping to get a little perspective on the issue. I have previously posted in the "I live in a sexless marriage" forum, and that post was met with hateful comments, including more than one suggestion that I should leave my man if he cannot satisfy me sexually. There was a great deal of condensation, over how he and I are just "friends," and that I am in denial over our situation.
It seems to me that the people who posted are just completely ignorant of the situation with Low T and fail to understand that it is a physical condition. My fiance described it to me like being paralyzed, where he'd have legs, want those legs to work, but his body just wouldn't cooperate. That gave me a lot of perspective over things.
I love my fiance very, very much and I want to be there for him. I want to be supportive. I also want, more than anything for us to be intimate. And, yes, I would like it very much if we could have sex.
A few details-I apologize for being graphic, but judging from the responses to my last post, if any of you are kind enough to comment and maybe offer me your perspective, you may feel the need for more info on our situation...he was diagnosed about 4 months ago, and started treatment with the gel. He hated the way it smelled and felt, and it didn't really seem to be doing much for him, so after about 3 weeks of that he saw a new doc and is taking injections once a week. I don't know his exact levels, but he told me that the blood test revealed his testosterone levels were that of a man in his 60s or 70s (he is 38). Along with the testosterone injections, he gets HGH every 2 weeks and b12. He has indicated some improvement in his condition-I have noticed that he seems to be more energetic than he had been. I don't think it has given him much improvement in the area of his sex drive-at least not from what I can see. He is very affectionate-kisses and holds me, but he doesn't initiate sex. (The last time we had intercourse was November 21, 2011.) We were intimate without intercourse last week-he was able to attain somewhat of an erection and, although it took a while, he did finally climax (through a combination of oral and manual stimulation from me, and ultimately, ************ himself while I provided support, so to speak, LOL. He also manually stimulated me to climax.
I know this is incredibly hard on him. He has been pretty open about sharing his feelings with me on this subject. It is really, really hard on me too. One of the reasons I'm looking for a forum is to have somewhere to talk about my feelings openly without fear of hurting him. I think it is really important for the two of us to keep our communication open, but i think it is a bit like pouring salt on a wound for me to share with him how lonely it feels not being able to be with him. The thing that hurts the very most is not that we don't have intercourse, or that he cannot have intercourse, it is the thought that he doesn't want me. That song, "I want you to want me," plays in my head as my theme song, LOL. He tells me he loves me and that he does think I am beautiful. He WANTs to want me (he also tells me it is not just me-he doesn't really have sexual stirrings for anyone, and no longer wakes up with morning wood.)
I suppose what I'm looking for is suggestions from men who are dealing with this as to what I can do to help him and to help our relationship. For a long while, I just quit making reference to sex because I didn't want him to feel like I was pressuring him. But it seems like that is a mistake, too, because the last thing I want is for him to think I have lost interest. Our last intimate time together, I told him that I am here and will be here when he is ready. I also told him I will do just about anything he wants sexually, and if there is anything I can do to help his drive I am willing to try.
I'd love feedback and suggestions from guys who have been there. How can I be there for him? What have you done with your partner to get through this? What are you feeling as you're going through this?
Thanks for reading this, if you've made it all the way through.:) I just have a lot on my mind and, especially after being treated so horribly in the other forum, I'm hopeful that there's someone out there who's had experience with this and is willing to share with me their thoughts.

browneyedsadgirl browneyedsadgirl
36-40, F
5 Responses May 6, 2012

You have a lot going on in your relationship. While it can be helpful to get some ideas here in this forum, you may also find it beneficial to speak with a personal therapist or counselor.

As far as sex goes, it sounds like you have a close, intimate relationship with him, but it's the physical side that is lacking. Have you considered sex toys. Specifically, you might consider a ***** or a vibrator for you, and having you BOTH use it to get you off. Just cause he's not able to achieve an errection doesn't mean that you can't have penetration or can't be stimulated to ******. Some couples select a suitable ***** at a sex shop together, and then bring it home to discover that the naughtiness of the act, or the shared thrill of investing in something playful is enough to get them excited for a while. Some find that a ***** of the size and shape of his **** is enough for her...so that if he finishes first, or can't maintain, that they can turn to the jelly ***** and through mutual stimulation, she can reach climax with him still being involved.

While your inner emotional needs are important, you sound like you're in a supportive relationship. You might want to consider some of these options above for a practical solution. Plus, you may also find that Low T treatment will help him regain his libedo and get you back to an acceptable level.
Good luck.

If ED drugs is a touchy subject, I've accidentally discovered certain legal OTC supplements that help with libido (not intentionally). GNC has a daily multi-vitamin called MegaMan Sports, which is supposed to replenish and fuel the athletic lifestyle. <br />
<br />
It happened to contain Yohimbine (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yohimbine), which for my purpose, was supposed to help with bloodflow during exercise. It didn't do much for bloodflow to muscles, but it really helped with bloodflow to my penis. Regardless if I wanted to or not.<br />
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My pre-workout supplement (I think it was NoXplode) contained L-Arginine (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L-arginine) which "plays an important role in cell division, the healing of wounds, removing ammonia from the body, immune function, and the release of hormones." For athletic performance, it helps muscles work harder, longer, and faster, and also speeds up recovery.<br />
<br />
But apparently, the 2 taken together has unintended consequences..."Arginine taken in combination with proanthocyanidins[29] or yohimbine,[30] has also been used as a treatment for erectile dysfunction."<br />
<br />
I was sprouting random boners like a 15 year old.

Venting aside...<br />
I've been on HRT since March. One 1cc shot, every other week.<br />
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I feel more motivated now. Over the last few years, I've been feeling very lethargic and unmotivated. Figured I was just lazy. I was still active, playing football on the weekends and going to the gym 3 days a week (you can see pics of me at ckilledc.tumblr.com). But I did those things out of habit. My workout results were stagnant, and my only motivation were numerical results, like "Okay, I did 12 last week. Gotta do 13 this week." Now that my T-levels have returned to the low-normal range, rather than the below-normal range, I'm getting some of that drive back. More of the "Yeah, let's do this!"<br />
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Libido-wise, not much change. My sex drive was pretty healthy before HRT (********** 1-2 times a day). But now, I get more of a peak-and-valley effect. A few days after my shots, I'm dry-humping the couch. A few days before getting the next shot, I could look at a hot naked woman and think boring stuff like "I wonder if she uses interval-resistance or constant-resistance when doing cardio."<br />
<br />
Other side effects: <br />
I'm finding more acne on my chest and shoulders. Not a big deal, just annoying.<br />
My volume of *********** has decreased gradually. My "1st load" is about the size of my "2nd load" of before therapy. Guess that's due to my testes going on vacation.

Coming here is the right thing to do.<br />
<br />
"I Live in a Sexless Marriage" is the most toxic community I've ever seen. Everyone's trolling, because they want you to be as miserable as they are, and worse yet, they do it under the guise of "helpful" advice. <br />
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They project their problems onto you..."My husband can't get an erection due to prostate surgery"...response: "that's because he hates you and all women! Leave him before you're too old and ugly to get laid by someone else!" Not kidding. One guy shared (very nicely) about his frustrations about not getting sex from his paralyzed wife, and the responses were "Her mouth still works! She's selfish for not giving you what you want! Leave her!"

Don't listen to the ***** that respond negatively in "I Live in a Sexless Marriage". They are already bitter and looking for support for their decision to go outside their marriage.
They also seem to define their marriage as all about sex. And if that's true, they're into marriage for the wrong reasons. Important, yes; but not everything.

I am on the gel for 9 mths<br />
it has changed my life...<br />
but...<br />
i still have some of the same problems...<br />
sexually im better<br />
but....<br />
woody is mixed...some times he's confused<br />
I am human and complex<br />
i love my wife and love sexually showing her off. A bit kinky but I seem to need it. <br />
perhaps experiment a little. <br />
ask him what turns him on and try it!<br />
For me its all kinds of things...many are embarissing to me so i hessitate here.<br />
I suggest u ask him questions like...<br />
are u needing more stimulation?<br />
are u feeling in a rut?<br />
are u afraid of me?<br />
or u want to try some fantasy?<br />
We all need to be mentally stimulated!<br />
I feel for u both...kinda there myself!