Why Not Me?

When I was 25 I began to see small, white patches around the very tips of my fingers, near the cuticles. Also, around the very outside of my eyes and lips. Curious, I went to a doctor once I returned to the United States. He told me it was something called Vitiligo. I'd never heard of it and do not recall anyone in my family having this and pretty much ignored it for a while. Then it began to progress and went up to my first knuckles and my eyes and mouth had rings around them. I went back to the doctor who prescribed a cream to put on my hands and gloves to put on over them. No luck. I was also putting it on my face as well but again, no luck. Again, I ignored it and have been completely covered in white spots over my entire arms and face and somewhat on my neck. No place else shows these spots as I am extremely fair-skinned under my clothes except for the fact that my aereola colour is completely gone and my genitals are white inside now where it was pink before. My hair turned completely white by the time I was 27 and my underarm and pubic hair as well. My eyebrows and eyelashes remained black until just recently and there are few hairs here and there that are white. My eyes, which were hazel, are now amber.

Now, on to my thinking about all of this. I've noticed, in all these years of the progression, that there is a certain power in having this genetic disorder. A power that people who do not have this do not seem to possess. I've noticed that people do not know what to think, what to do nor how to act or where to look when interacting with me. Those not interacting cannot stand to not look at least once and then again to make sure they see what they think they see and then a third time, at least, to study before catching my eye and looking away. People often do not touch me when giving me my change at stores and go out of their way to not touch me when in a press of people, say at a concert or a club or pub. It's all very curious but in a way to me, empowering. To know that my simple lack of colour in areas should be the cause of all this confusion and withdrawal amazes me and to my way of thinking, when I do begin a relationship or friendship with someone, it is true and good. Only those with narrow minds and hearts or prejudice about the unknown will fall away so the ones that stay are truly the people I would want to surround myself with anyway. It leaves very little margin for emotional pain and hurt feelings for me and for them, they are more enlightened a human being.

So, all in all, while I wouldn't wish this disorder on someone as it is very tolling emotionally until coming to terms with it, I say Why not me? I think I am a perfect candidate if someone were to have it as I truly think it is not only lovely and unique but also a good identifier of closed minds and hearts in a world full of bs. A brilliant bs predictor in certain circumstances.