What A Wasted Life.....!

I never lived a normal life...and when i realized that it was too late. i grew up in a conservative family. My father was an alcoholic who would beat my  mother when drunk.I was intelligent and different from my cousins and boys in my neighbourhood. I could never make friends with them. I was first molested by my cousine when i was about 5. This molestation then continued for several years.

So my life had all the ingridients to make a disasterous life; an alcoholic father, a supressed and always depressed mother, a cousine to molest and an unhealthy surrounding where i couldnt find a single person to confide in or to make friends with.

To cut the story short...i lived an abnormal life. No friends, No Sports, No Happy moments. Now im 27. I cursae myself every moment for not experiencing the normla life. I dont know how to play any sport because i never played any. I couldnt enjoy the company of friends. I havent enjoyed my life like many people around me did. My current friends talk about their goold old memories in college and childhood and i have nothing to share. I miss what i havent got ever. I cant contribute to their discussion of sports as i dont know anything about it.

 

My circumstances were such taht i could never get enough confidence to do things  i wanted to. my self esteem was so low, i would say it was negative. I decided to suicide when i was in tenth grade. imagine the ager where children are unaware of what life is and are just too busy in enjoying it.. i was thinking about suicide. i still have these suicidal tendencies but i never did anything and wont do ever. Reason, im the only son of my parents and i dont want to leaev them in this old age. I'm responsible for their bread and support them in everything they do. If i commit suicide, they will have none to take care of them. I cant do this.

This is a depression, all the time. i managed to get good degrees and good gradesa and currently work in a goog organization at a good position. But i realize that im unable to realize my full potential. i Have mood swings..depression that hurt my performance.

I wanted to enjoy my life like other people, I wanted to live the happy moments, i wnated to have memories to cherish,I wanted to feel the joy of winning a game( I never did )....

I see end of my life as the only probelm..I see my self sad and depressed ever in my life.Why did it happen to me? Why?

 

thisisnotavailable thisisnotavailable
26-30, M
7 Responses Feb 20, 2010

It's a compassionate person who chooses to "be there" for his aging parents. Thus you have not wasted your life, as a wasted life is a life lived for self.

actually, i try to forget and move on but when i see pictures of my friends of their college and childhood, it makes me sad. like i just saw an album of my friend of his college life. Now it makes me sad again. Whenever i see such films, read books, or listen to conversations, i feel bad and sad...

thank you all. i have joined tennis club today :)<br />
I feel stronger

Now call a halt to all this negativity: today is the first day of the rest of your life. What do you want? What steps do you need to take to achieve what you want? Do it and start now. Do not waste another moment in this state of mind for that is all it is. Be strong, help others in the same position as we are all doing on here. Grasp hold of your dreams. Do not let the past win over your present. Good luck and love. Padma X

Stop living in the past and start creating your future! Some pretty awful things have happened to you and therapy etc might help you to deal with that, but ultimately you are an adult now and you have choices. You seem to feel that you are missing out by not playing sport, well why don't you go and join a sport, raquet sports are always good for beginners, you might even meet people.<br />
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I also think your selling yourself short. Doing well in your education and getting yourself a good job does not sound like a wasteful thing to me. Recognise your achievements and build on those!<br />
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You may never know why? even if you did know why, you would still be in the same position that you are in now. Rather than trying to figure out why I would accept that what happened, happened and try to move forward even if it is baby steps it is still progress and you need to recognise that!

thanks...i appreciate

Don't worry, things balance out. may be you will create an uniqe success story. just stop worrying how, leave it to time. time owes that you.