Living With A Partner Who Defines "selfishness"
You know what gets me, is when you think the problem is you.
When someone who you told all your dreams, secrets and share your silly little quirks with, uses it all against you and makes you feel so small and to top that, doesn’t give a crap about anyone else except himself!
It hurts when you look into those eyes and see a future.
You dream of travelling, getting married and starting a family - and this person is that man who you believe can make your dreams come true.
The first 3 years of my 8 year relationship was wonderful
When we got married (which was just last year), my mother and I had to organise all by ourselves and pay for all of it - he didn't even want to buy wedding rings.
(Because he does not believe in marriage but we did it for legal reasons as we have a child) My engagement ring, I bought myself from a pawn shop for £30 ($60) after we got married.
Things started to change…. He decided to get his own laptop and kept away.
And then there he was going missing for a day claiming he was drunk and was lost from a Christmas part when in fact he was over at a college’s house getting his (ock sucked "apparently"
He would also put me down, telling me I wasn’t intelligent, that I had lost my sex appeal and that he didn't like me going out or telling me that the things I would buy was rubbish, wasteful or poor taste. I went on anti depressants and forever thought I was the one that needed to change.
I thought that I was the problem that I had caused everything to go all wrong in our relationship.
I suggested we go to relationship counselling, he wasn’t interested - I even went to counselling myself. I then took to smoking weed, to escape from the pain, and reality. It was only last week, where everything just exploded.
I asked him to tell me what the hell is going on.
I wanted answers to
Why you didn’t want to be intimate with me for nearly 4 years
Why you didn't want to go on a honeymoon?
Why you didn’t want to sleep with me after we got married or spend the day together after we got married - instead you went to the beer festival with your mates while I went to Lego land with my sister and daughter. He confessed that he was a sex addict and that he would go in his lunch times at work to seek prostitutes to suck him off.
He told me he was addicted to BJs and thinks he should seek help.
I'm bored of wasting my time, with this jerk.
He had all those years to change when I asked him to seek help or just go for counselling, but no, you were just too selfish.
All I want to do is get on with my life with my daughter and prove to you I'm better than you and that I can look after myself and you just a bag of sh!t.
....it’s great to get it off your chest :)
But having re-read this, it has helped me realised I was depressed for a long time and was not able to see the picture of the story I was living.
We all have different kinds of problems, but at the end of the day it’s how you try to do something about it that can define yourself and your life.