Helpless

At the age of 15 the only person I could count on was my grandmother. She worked to put me through catholic school and because she didn't drive, she walked me there and home every day. I spoke to her every morning when I awoke and every night before bed... without fail. On Nov 12th, the day before her actual birthday, we went over for a surprise party. When we got there it was obvious something was wrong and my grandfather told us to call 911. I held her hand until the ambulance took her away. She died that night... and things were never the same. Later on, at the age of 18, I had graduated high school and was working when my mother showed up and said that my grandfather was sick. We rushed to his side and after a brief hospital stay, they let him come home but under the condition that he not be alone. So I moved in that very day. I lived with him through the summer and found a job closer so that if his sister had a problem I could get there fast. He had several more hospital stays and during the last one I got a call that he didn't look so good when he awoke. I rushed down town and arrived to see him struggling for breath and with the DNR there was nothing they could do. I held his hand along with my mother and aunt, until he passed. Even when they all left I laid next to him. He was the final reminder that my childhood was over. The very next summer, at the age of 19, I got married.... I wish they had been there.

mysplitpersonality mysplitpersonality
36-40, F
1 Response Jun 17, 2007

It's painful to lose your grandparents in such a way. My grandmother lived with my parents at our house for about a year before she died. She was dying the whole time, it just took far too long. I was only 18 years old and didn't know how to handle this. I loved her dearly but had never had dealings with a dying person, especially one that I loved. She would moan very loud at night. Obviously in severe pain. I never knew what to do, I felt helpless. I know that now I would have gone into her room more often and held her hand, just been with her. I feel really guilty about not being with her more for that year when she was dying. She was very isolated and alone, even in the house with her family. I never want to die in such a fashion. A slow, painful death surrounded by people too scared to help you through it in any significant way. I will jump off a bridge before anybody sends me to a "nursing" home, or death center as I like to call them.