I Blame My Self

The only pearson that I really trully loved died in my lap, and I did nothing to stop it, I blame myself, If I had said no, dont cross the road, It would never had happend, I just sat there with her head on my lap and watched the light dissapier from h eyes,and did nothink. I blame my self, and I will never forget that day,.Never,

Phoenix x

firebird firebird
18-21, F
2 Responses Jun 21, 2007

I hear your pain. I, too, witnessed a death and did nothing to stop it. Even though it was over 35 years ago, I still blame me. <br />
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If I had the last 35 years of my life to live over, I would have made a much better effort to stop beating myself up for what I failed to do. No matter how long I beat myself up, it won't bring back the little girl I saw murdered. The only person that this hurts is me, and most of that is my fault for not letting go of my guilt.<br />
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This was not your fault. A million people can tell you that, but you have to know it in your heart. Forgive yourself. You did nothing wrong. There are no guarantees that thing would have been different had you made another decision. This one was out of your hands. You did the best thing you could do at the time.<br />
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I suspect that, if the person you saw die could talk to you, that they would tell you that they don't blame you and you shouldn't blame you either. I believe that they would want you to let it go. I also believe some day, in whatever world lies beyond this one, that you will hear that directly from them.

You can't stop the march of death in the Universe, anymore than you can stop the sun from rising in the morning. Feeling guilt for something you have no control over gives you the illusion that you aren't as helpless in the face of uncontrollable events as you actually are. Everybody dies, and you will too. One of the kindest gifts you can give another human being is to be there with them in their passing, and you did that for her. Now you can give her soul the gift of concentrating on the positive things you shared with her when she was still alive. The time of her death wasn't yours to decide.