Suicidal Clown

My uncle was looking for an apartment, he was going to move into the apartment above mine, but a clown was living there. But days later, i was told that the clown had committed suicide, so my uncle ended up taking the clowns apartment. Next thing i remember, i was in my grandmas bedroom, and there was something that looked like a body covered in a blanket. She was laughing hysterically and kept saying "wanna see something cool?!??!" over and over. Then she ripped off the blanket and it was the clowns dead body, he had brutally tore open his own throat, it was graphic. he was dead but he had the biggest, most demented smile on his face. At this moment everything froze and was silent, i stood there just staring at his body for what felt like forever, filled with the most intense, terrifying feeling. I felt like he was gonna come back to life and scream and kill me. But instead the scene cut to black, and i woke up.
It was so bizarre, because at the time i was struggling with thoughts of suicide and depression. And the clown lived directly above me. Not to mention, seeing a symbol commonly associated with happiness and laughter sliced up and dead, seemed particularly odd and relevant to how i felt at the time. And also the fact that my grandma is absolutely TERRIFIED of clowns, theres no way in hell shed approach a clown at a childrens party, let alone be excited about showing me a demented dead clown she has on her bed for some reason.
genkirocket genkirocket
22-25, M
1 Response Dec 7, 2012

That is so weird! Did this help you work things out? I hope you're not still contemplating suicide.

Yeah it kind of did, in a way. I had been avoiding my emotions and thoughts until I had this dream, and learning about some of the interpretations of clowns as metaphors in dreams really forced me to confront everything I was trying to pretend wasn't there. And yeah, thankfully i'm not. Still sorting things out, but i'm in a much better place now then i was back then.
Thanks a bunch for taking the time to read + comment :)

That's great that you're confronting the problem and feeling better, and I'm so glad you're not thinking about it anymore. You're welcome. I have to admit, the title really caught my eye. :D