Self-imposed

I am so afraid of spending untold hours slaving away at a story I love, only to have it crash and burn in workshops or get rejected via submission to quarterlies, etc. The result is that I put off working long enough and hard enough and never give it a full effort. Thus, a self-fulfilling prophecy. My avoidance is almost pathological sometimes.

The irony is that I usually produce good pieces for workshops and have never had a bad/negative experience in a workshop; but I fear that day will come, and all my work will be for nothing. Being rejected on at-large submissions is more depressing than I can handle, though. What I'm trying to focus on now are specific calls for submissions, so that I can at least have a chance to be more topically on target.

The fact remains, though, that I don't write as much as I can. I don't write as often as I should. I put aside ideas, inspirations, and urges artistically because I'm terrified of failure. I come up with scores of reasons NOT to write something. It's a hackneyed plot. It's derivative. No one would buy it. It's too long. It's too short. It's boring. It's silly. The voice is weak. The voice is overwhelming. And the biggest one of all: it'll take too long to write all that... and what if I can't sell it?

So I am usually suffering from self-imposed writer's block. It feels like rotting from the inside out.
imunderher imunderher
36-40, M
Jul 25, 2010