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Descriptive Writing

here is my first rought draft of my descriptive essay. obviously I am not done with it so I will have to add more details, write the ending, edit spelling and grammar etc. but I am uploading this for a friend to read :) enjoooy

“Mr. Richards?” The nurse placed her chilly hand on Nathan’s shoulder. “She’s feeling better. You can go see her now.”
Nathan relaxed his shoulders and took a deep breath. He rubbed his weary eyes. He rested his hands on the firm uncomfortable seats and tried to gather all the strength he had left to get up. Everything about this place felt wrong to him. It was so unlike the future he had imagined he would share with Sarah. Where were all the pictures of them together at the fair that were supposed to adorn the walls? Where were the soft, pastel colors Sarah adored? These walls were bare and white. The entire building felt too clean & unwelcoming, as if it hadn’t seen any good days. Instead of the warm scent of vanilla incense Nathan had grown to love, the hallways reeked of medicine and disinfectants. Nathan fiddled with his beaded brown bracelet, which was the only warm object in the room. He tried to keep calm amidst the fire that was brewing in his heart. He wrapped his fingers around the cool metal doorknob and pushed it open. Besides the small bed precisely placed in the center, the room was empty. A tiny, white lump was moving like a snail on the bed.
 “Nathan.” Sarah’s voice was hoarse.
He felt a sudden rush inside of him, as if someone had set him on fire. He took long, eager strides towards his woman’s bed. Her deathbed. Nathan shuddered and quickly pushed the thought away from his mind. He knelt down on the cold, hard floor beside her. Sarah put out her bony hand. He held on tightly to it.
“I missed you.” Her voice cracked when she spoke.
Nathan kissed her hand. He gripped the cloth she was hiding under, trying to remove it from her face.
“Nathan, no.” She cried her tone desperate and pleading.
Nathan ignored her. In sickness and in health, he had vowed, and he’d meant every word of it. He tried to gently lower the clean thin white sheet from her face. She tried to fight back, but her illness had already stolen all the power her tiny body possessed.
Nathan tried to hide his bewilderment behind his signature smile. Sarah’s youthful angelic face was gone. It was replaced by one he couldn’t recognize. Instead of her favorite black eyeliner, dark eye circles highlighted her eyes. Her cheeks were hollow and sunken. Her big brown eyes seemed even bigger on her bony, angular face. Bruises decorated the rest of her gaunt body. Not a single strand of hair covered her pale skin. She looked like a starved prisoner of war. Thin, transparent drips were placed on the inside of her wrists. Nathan loosened his grip on Sarah’s hands. She looked so fragile. He was afraid she would shatter into a million pieces like a broken porcelain doll. Nathan gently stroked her face with his finger. A warm teardrop trickled down her face. His heart felt heavy. Nathan suddenly became aware of how nippy the room was. He stood up and wrapped his arms around his wife, tracing the tiny goose bumps on her soft arms with his rough hands. A sweet, flowery fragrance tickled his nose. Even in bad health, she managed to smell good. A loud knock on the door made Nathan jerk up. A plump nurse walked in, holding a clipboard in her hands. She smiled at Sarah as she checked her pulse, and asked her how she was doing. She continued to remove a drip from Sarah’s wrists, which alarmed Nathan and prompted him to ask her why this was necessary.
“Her body is not accepting food anymore. This is the only way we can get her to consume all her vital nutrients for the day.” The nurse replied, her tone gloomy and apologetic.
After what felt like an eternity, the nurse finally left the room. Sarah sighed and rested her head back on the thin, stiff & uncomfortable mattress.  Nathan tried not to think about the savoury, aromatic dishes Sarah made at home. When he walked home to find the mouth-watering smell of sautéed onions, garlic, and other spices that she loved using. Sarah had always made sure her husband had a variety of different meals. She never allowed him to eat the same dish twice & always cooked just enough to have no leftovers. Her garbage rarely ever contained food waste. By the humble way she had lived her life, Sarah deserved to have everything…but fate had other plans. She had spent months in this cold and empty room without anyone by her side. While Nathan was busy fighting for his country, his wife was fighting for her life. Now her cancer had seized her body and was refusing to let go. Sarah lifted her head and stared in Nathan’s blue eyes. Not once in her life had she thought she would ever envy her husband. Yet here she was, wondering why she had to lose all of her beautiful blonde hair while her husband still had a head full of brown curls.  Sarah’s hands were starting to become colder.  She moved around like a restless child, as if she were being attacked by an invisible demon. A sudden sharp pain was moving through her body.
“Nathan!” she cried.
Nathan was starting to panic. He ran out in the hallway and called for a doctor. He didn’t know what to do. He started pacing back and forth in the hallway, crying and screaming. The plump nurse returned and placed her hands on Nathan’s shoulder. She asked him to stay calm…but Nathan’s heart was racing like a horse. He ran back to his wife and held her hand again. He told her everything was going to be alright. He kissed her hand again and again, trying to reassure her. He tried to appear as calm as possible, as he watched his wife fade before his eyes.
“Nathan.” She finally spoke again, “I don’t want to die. I don’t want to be alone again.”
The realization suddenly hit him. As he stared as his delicate little wife, the room looked even larger in comparison. He suddenly felt a chill…a fear, growing inside him. How did she survive all those months in this frightening room, without a single person by her side? He couldn’t desert her again. He couldn’t let her go from one dark place to another. Fresh, warm tears started to glide down his face.
“You won’t be alone. I will be there with you.” He kissed her face and hugged her tightly. The doctor arrived a few seconds later and was moved to the sight of two lovers weeping into each other’s arms. It was the living proof of love and devotion. It took all the courage he had to pull the weeping man away from his soul mate. Nathan walked inside the ICU and stared at his wife’s static body. The room was still and cold, with the gentle beat of Sarah’s heart disturbing the silence in a constant rhythm.  Nathan held her cold hand and whispered words of encouragement to her and promised to be by her side. He promised he would never desert her again. With her eyes shut tight, she looked like a beautiful angel. Her body was serene and peaceful.  Nathan removed his bracelet and gently placed it around her wrist. As if accepting his apology, Sarah’s lips curled up into a natural smile. Her mouth rested back in place. The sudden silence of the room disturbed Nathan. He panicked as he realized his wife’s heart was no longer beating. He held on tightly to her hand and the beat returned. As Nathan loosened his grip, the heart beat was lost again. Nathan sunk on the floor as he realized the beat he was hearing was none but his own. It was time to let Sarah rest in peace.
righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 28, 2013

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oh , beautifully explained love for ever.

Your story reminds me of someone very special.

(y) .. ur a novelist :P

Lovely writing, hon. You have captured the essence of love and lost. I am touched by this story.

I've finished it. :)

Bring it sweetie!

^ I just updated the story! ;)