Dear: (part 2) a Friend With Benefits

August 13, 2006


 


I feel so stupid when a week passes since we had sex and I can’t even talk to you.  It makes me wonder so many things…like, are we about to lose contact with each other, again (like we have so many times over the past ten years); is there something wrong?  Are you not “feeling me” anymore?  Are you feeling guilty?  Do you think about me?  Ever miss me?


In the past few months…well, really, in the past year, you’ve thrown out so many signals, have moved closer to me in so many ways.  You’ve left me with an eminent feeling that “there is more to come.”  But, I so often think that it’s just my imagination…I’m just making it all up in my head.


I’m lonely and it makes me really sad that you seem to only be able to take me in such small doses.  I’m special and what I have to give (to you) is special and rare and, I’m so confused about why you haven’t accepted everything that I’ve been here trying to offer you on a silver platter.  What’s WRONG with me?  Is it me?  Or, is it you?  Maybe it really is just the nature of the beast.  Maybe we’ve always been wrong for doing what we do.


I try to tell myself to be patient; that you move about in your own way and on your own time schedule…that, eventually, you will come around.  But, I feel stupid.  What am I doing?  Why do I persist in trying to give something to someone that never really seems to completely want it?


Why do you get scared all the time?  You recently made an analogy in response to that question….about how you see some money lying on the ground but, you tell yourself the whole time you’re approaching it “That CAN’T be money! …just laying there???” like, it’s just too good to be true.  Were you talking about me?  Do you think I’m too good to be true?  If so, why?  And, WHY have I heard that **** so MANY times in my life??  Too good to be true?????  It just doesn’t make sense.


Maybe I’m giving you too much of myself…more than you deserve.   

MysticWriter MysticWriter
36-40, F
8 Responses Aug 13, 2006

i feel you are surrounded with the selfish people like the same in my life too.they just dont understand the value of emotions.so you also dont get attached to them only enjoy sex.

is it real? what do you mean? everything i've written on this site is "real"

Don't spend part of your life waiting for something you will regret later. You only have this one life to live..... Do you think you might unknowingly be afraid of having someone commit to you so you stick with this person because you know they are safe; and you know what's gonna happen already. I waited 3 yrs. for somebody who would come over on when it was convient for them we would have sex , I got that fix from him making me feel wonderful while he was there and then like total crap after he left. So, alone thinking OK maybe next time it will be different but knowing all to well ;Same S**T different day.... You deserve better!!!

You ever thought that you allow this person to treat you this way . And maybe you your self might be afraid of comittment ; So, this is safe for you . I lived three years waiting for someone . Someone that would come spend time with me, we'd have sex and he would make me feel so special and then i wouldn't see him again untill it was on his terms and his time.... My advise is find someone who will be there for you whenever you need them, you deserve that.

You do not deserve to spend your life wanting something that a narcissist will never give...love and empathy. Find a lover who will fulfill you, even if you have to turn your marriage into an open marriage or end it altogether. Too many times people will just say, "you should leave" without giving any consideration to children in the middle...A 2 parent situation, if civil, is better for the children than 2 seperate and bitter parents, IMHO.

There is someone in my life that is acting just like that someone in your life. They seem to come around only when it is at their convenience. I feel used, betrayed, and worse of all...in love. Although I lose contact with this person frequently for moderate periods of time, he is always on my mind. Thoughts of him are constantly drifting through my head. And for what? So he can call one night and act like this time there will be something more...only for him to become distant yet again. I know how you feel...it's a horrible situation that continues in a vicious circle. I hope things get better for you. :)

I can relate to your situation. There are people who, after all the experiences you shared, treat you as nothing. There is no solid ground where to place your relationship - if there is any to begin with.<br />
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In the end, they really don't deserve someone like us who are committed and dedicated to what we can offer.