A Letter to His Mistress...

Like so many of you, when I find myself quite upset and am able to denote the reasons why or the people who caused such, I write a letter.  Those who have offended me in the past would be suprised to know of the letters I've written to them.  I do this because it's sooooo extremely cathartic.  It's as if putting it on paper or banging it out on the keyboard writes it in the pages of *HISTORY* and I am then able to move forward no longer being weighed down by such emotional burdens.

In a nutshell, my S.O. of the past 14 mos had a one-night affair with his ex-girlfriend 2 months ago.  Me being the person I am I was extremely nice to her when she called - TOO nice!  And before you tell me I should direct my hositility at my S.O., let me tell you ... I already have!  He allowed me to vent repeatedly ... he still does.  However, the ex-girlfriend would not speak to me, therefore, I did not get to express any of my emotions to her nor did she allow me the opportunity to ask her any questions.  At first I didn't think there was much to contend with if anything at all.  As time crept by I realized I was holding in quite a bit of resentment toward her.  Doing what I do best, vent, I decided to write her a letter.  In the past I've not sent my "Letters of History" (as I refer to them,) however, in this case I'm just not sure whether to send it or not. 

Before I forget ... when you get to the last sentence of the letter please know it is only for affect and is not at all true.  It's just my way of getting back at her - revenge I suppose.  *sighs*

Write comments on whether you think I should send it to her or not.  Thank you in advance.

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Dear *Stinky *****,*

My name is *Constant*.  I'm *K's* fiance.   

I've pondered over the weeks since *K's* infidelity with you how exactly to word this letter.  It's been a rather painful process to put it mildly.  I'm sure you can understand.  Perhaps you cannot.   

Just as you were told his account of our relationship, I now have his account of the entire ordeal with you as well as having read all of your correspondence from one another.  I felt it only fair to share with you my side of the story - the way I see things.  As I'm sure you know; there are 3 sides to every story - his, hers and the truth.  Hopefully somewhere in the midst you will be able to discern the real truth for yourself and find some peace.  

*K* and I met virtually one year to the date of your rendevzous.  It was instantaneous.  He literally moved into my home that week.  We were inseperable.  As you know the absence of his children in his life greatly affects him ... to the point of a chemical imbalance.  This chemical imbalance worsens with the winter months and amount of time he's required to spend at work.  He begins to feel helpless, blank, confused, etc.  DEPRESSION at it's finest!  The winter is also very difficult on RSD patients such as myself.  This past winter was more difficult than normal with the rainy season extending 4-6 weeks beyond normal as well as the other medical issues I was going through that were complicating my health further.   

You see, I bought a second home in November.  He and I began renovations.  I soon rented the first home and we had to get out of there quickly.  Unfortunately it did not allow enough time to finish everything at the new house that we'd started and that we'd have liked to finish - many things left half way done.  They were left this way throughout the winter due to my failing health and his ever increasing depression. 

The smallest things like taking the dogs outside to make sure they couldn't get through the fence, he refused to do for months.  It's not like I can do this!  If they do get out, how precisely am I going to catch them?  I do walk with a cane most of the time, so ...  Anyhow, he knew it was up to him to get them outside and ensure they were unable to get out of the yard.  The fence had been fixed according to him for 4 months.  But he never tested it with the dogs.  I reminded him repeatedly because I was sick of smelling and cleaning up the piddle pads but to no avail.  And THAT was his biggest complaint of all!!!   

MEN!   

To be completely honest it wasn't JUST the piddle pads, it was a variety of things; the house being unfinished, him refusing to wash his laundry, the pure amount of dishes he dirtied knowing I could not (at the time) stand long enough to clean them for him, and just his unwillingness/inability to help out with the house at all.  He IS a MAN after all ... He's no neater or cleaner than any I've met.  He willingly admits he's quite a pig.  And I can't disagree.  I will, however, shoulder my portion of the blame.  I fed into his depression making the state of the house worse.  Rather than motivating him and working together to complete tasks, I laid in bed with him day in and day out in an attempt to 'comfort' his 'condition.'  This only fostered the growth and increase of his depression.  Silly me for thinking I was doing something nice for him by not expecting anything.  Then again, I wasn't expecting anything out of him and I too was doing very little.  So there we sat in our fine mess.  

My health began to fail as the months of winter passed.  Depression began to set in with the never ending pain.  Certainly you of all people understand how pain causes depression after an extended period considering you have Lupus. (I have a friend with Lupus - extremely parallel to RSD but RSD is in the bones and nerves rather than the blood and unfortunately it cannot kill you although you wish it would.  It can only make you want to kill yourself to which 88% of RSD patients succumb.)  I was in no mood nor position to attempt motivating him let alone myself to complete the tasks needing attention.  I only did what HAD to be done and NO sooner than it had to be completed.  It's embarrassing to admit, however, if you are prone to flare-ups with your condition I'm sure you can relate.  

At my lowest/sickest point for a two month period we had sex a total of 4 times - every other week.  This was a rather large decrease for us but when you consider; my declining health, his increasing depression, his mandatory increasing work hours and his increasing exhaustion, his daughters and the visitation schedule as well as my emergency surgery ... I'm sure you can understand how our sex life briefly lulled - I'm fairly certain most would under those conditions.  Still yet, most men would be happy with this ... those who are claiming they are in a sexless relationship that is.  So, of course, he was unhappy with the quantity to begin with not realizing he'd ignored and rejected me for a couple months when his depression began to increase along with the work exhaustion.  He was tired and cranky and I was in pain and sick.  What do ya do?   

As the months passed there were growing concerns of litigation for him.  He was finally served with a summons to appear in court.  *K*, never having had any involvement with the legal system (he pays his traffic fines, he didn't go to divorce court nor hire an attorney, etc.,) allowed this to turn him completely inside out.  He stressed about it night and day.  You could see it wearing on him physically.  It was sad.  According to him, and I believe this, he felt he had to eliminate some stress in his life.  After he thought about it he felt our home was the only thing he could get rid of.  But in doing so he'd be rid of me as well.  He didn't want the latter, however, out of desperation for relief of his anxiety, he opted to be rid of our home and the burdens it represented.  He then says he planned a 'way out.'  He felt that I'd kick him out of his stress (the house) if he had an affair.  This is when he wrote you.  (Do you realize he wrote to you only days after my emergency surgery, only days after being summonsed to appear in court, etc.?  I was still recovering, still on medication, still had stitches, etc.)  

When he came home that Sun morning/Sat nite I KNEW something had happened.  I was certain I knew what it was too.  I went as far to say, "thankfully she can't get pregnant" after he weaved a fabulous web of lies that I did not thoroughly believe because what he was telling me was so unlike him.  I nearly pulled his pants down to smell his d*ck!  But I did not and gave him the benefit of the doubt.   

We spoke about it (the lies I pretended to believe) for the next couple hours - well into the light of day.  I asked him why he simply didn't speak to me about his growing concerns.  All he could say was, "the way I felt, I didn't want to upset you or make you feel like less of a woman or hurt your feelings for talking about how the house was bothering me.  I thought I should be able to take care of things if I loved you enough but for some reason I just couldn't."  To which I replied, "Is it possible your 'inability has more to do with depression rather than how much you do or don't love me?"  And, of course, a lightbulb went off in his head as if the dots were all connected simultaneoulsy within that moment.  Again, it was visibly noticeable as he's rather ill-equipped to hide what's going on with him from me.  Perhaps it's because I know him so well.  I'm unsure.

As Sunday passed I could not go to sleep.  I KNEW something was going on that he'd not been honest with me about.  He finally woke that afternoon.  We continued to talk about what happened (the lies - me still pretending to believe them.)  We devised a plan to make things right with the house.  It seemed he was very happy with the outcome (the planning) and he apologized for not having simply spoken to me as we have always had fantastic communication with one another.  He said, "I reverted back to my old ways - the ways of my family, how I was taught.  'If you don't confront the issue then there will be less stress.  But if you confront it, it will cause more stress.'  I couldn't deal with more stress."  He continued to apologize over and over and there was this sadness on his face and in his eyes.  I could tell there was more - I KNEW there was. 

The phone rang not too long after we began discussing those beautifully fabricated lies again.   Me being the guarded person I am, I refuse to answer the phone unless I recognize the name or number on Caller I.D.  If I don't recognize the name or number I always call them out to him to see if it's one of his friends or a family member.  You should have seen the look on his face when I announced your name!!!  WHOA!  I KNEW what happened at that very moment.  I now had proof - the proof I'd been needing for nearly 15 hours.  This was the very reason your call was not answered the first time.  He and I had some air to clear, some lies to clean up, etc.  At first he attempted to spin a beautiful little web about who you were and why you were calling, how you got our number, etc.  He was WHITE and his words TRANSPARENT!  

At this point he realized I was no longer going to 'play along.'  He immediately commenced to telling me the truth ... well his side of it any way.  You called again and we were in the midst of talking about it all still.  This is why when I answered the phone I reminded you about Karma.  I did try to be cordial, after all, I had no idea yet what he'd told you.  God knows in my experience the man usually fills the mistress' head full of all kinds of crazy lies.  So I couldn't blame you at that point.   For all I knew he could have lied about us already being broken up or perhaps you didn't know about me at all - perhaps he didn't say a word about me.

After it all came out I simply couldn't kick him out of the house.  Not that he didn't deserve it.  He did, indeed.  However, I was NOT about to allow him the easy way out.  He was going to HAVE to decide what he wanted period end of sentence and I was in NO way going to make his mind up for him nor was I about to allow any one else to make his mind up for him.  He's a grown man for crying outloud!  No easy out on this one!!!  I certainly wasn't going to be the bad guy in this mess as I'd done ZERO to deserve the label.  By kicking him out I'd have been labelled the bad guy in the scenario ... at least in his mind he wouldn't be the bad guy because it would have been my decision and because he would have been relieved of having to take responsibility and being held accountable.  NO WAY!  NOT on MY watch!  

So here we are today, countless hours of conversation later, a mind numbing amount of tears (from both of us) and both of us keeping with the original plan we devised.  So far, so good.  

I don't write to you to incite jealousy.  Not at all.  I write in hopes you can see my side of the story as well.  I'm not sure what he told you with the exception of what he told me he shared with you.  And after having read your correspondence (yours and his) I wanted to reply to several things so you would know exactly what was going on. 

In one of your emails you mentioned something in regard to him "scratching an itch" because he told you he wasn't getting 'it' at home.  The truth of the matter is our sex life was fine - better than he'd ever experienced as far as frequency, quality and all the other goodies even with the 2 month 'lull' figured in.  I'm not certain why he told you he wasn't getting it at home - to which I have no proof other than what you said since he refutes it.  He claims what he did had absolutely ZERO to do with our sex life.  I suspect a 'sexless relationship' was the easiest, albeit incorrect, culprit.  

I wish you had simply answered my phone call that day.  I simply wanted to ask you a couple questions as I told you on the message.  I wanted to attempt wrapping my head and heart around the situation.  Perhaps I was looking to fill crevices in my heart with answers.  I don't know.  However, I'm CERTAIN you would have questions in my position as well.  Nonetheless, I hold no ill will toward you personally - although i do believe you to be an easy woman and a homewrecker for having stepped in the midst of something you knew NOTHING about (considering you only had one side of the story) knowing full well it was not yet over.  Surely, knowing *K* and what he shared with you about me, you realized there was a decent chance he and I would be staying together and you had NO chance with him whatsoever.  If he wanted you for anything serious, he'd have kept you the first time around.  Perhaps this is a lesson for you and will help you in your journey in some way as I don't believe men truly respect women who do what you have.  

I suppose I am indebted to you in some way, yes.  Since you, knowingly attempted to break up a household and family unit, he and I have been happier than ever with one another ... after the initial shock, of course.  Our relationship including our love life is better than it ever has been thanks to you, I suppose.  Nonetheless, it was a 'make it or break it' situation as I see things and he and I came out shining fiercely.  This certainly doesn't excuse either of you.  Not at all.  I'm sure *K* will forever regret your name and I don't have to say or do anything to make him feel this way.  He naturally feels terrible - as well he should!  

By the way ... in the days to follow when you spoke to *K* on messenger, did you ever wonder why he could not 'call' you?  That's because it was me.  Thanks for chatting, *stinky ******.  And, yes, he does know I'm in his email, messenger, myspace, etc.  He's the one who suggested it after the 'incident.'  I showed him our conversation - yours and mine.  All he said was that I'd done a good job speaking as a 'man' would and he was beside himself that I attempted to smoothe things over between the two of you.  You see, *stinky ******, I'm a bit too forgiving and too soft and at the time I couldn't allow you to be angry with him, especially since you are the one who ultimately made the decision to spread your legs.  In case you didn't know ... you don't have to accept every invitation that comes your way.  

On a side note, his family is aware of his infidelity with you and your meddling in our relationship knowing it was not yet over.  I would recommend you refrain from contacting them for any reason whatsoever.  They don't look upon this lightly, as I'm sure you're aware most devout Christians would not.  As a matter of fact, Christians tend to look down on this type of thing and the people who participate willingly in such and I can tell you with utter certainty that they believe you to be a wretched person and there's no chance they will ever accept you in their lives on any level or in any form.   

You can blame it all you want on *K*.  That's fine by me.  It only serves me if you do.  However, from one female to another, I think it's important for you to realize and accept the role you played in this regardless it's outcome - there's surely some maturity and pearls of wisdom to be found in owning up to one's mistakes.  You KNEW he had not broken up with me.  You KNEW he would be coming home to MY bed after he screwed you (literally and figuratively.)  You KNEW I would find out ... come on ... stop fooling yourself.  You KNEW these things and still yet you pursued a man who was taken, a man who (according to him) told you he was in love with another woman - ME.  Even though he contacted you intially and whether or not he professed his undying love for me, you kept up the communications and further reeled him in with asking for his manly assistance with your TV rather than befriending him through his ordeal until it was truly over or better yet, just leaving it alone entirely until you knew it was completely OVER.   

After he initially contacted you and then fixed your TV a week passed - a FULL week.  If you were so certain he was going to break up with me to start dating you, why then did you not wait for the end between us?  Wouldn't that week of non-action countered by ZERO communication on his behalf send a red flag your way telling you he didn't really have the intention of breaking up with me or perhaps that he did not want to be rid of me or the relationship but perhaps something else was going on?  Yes, most 'ladies' I know would have seen that as a flag.  I think you chose to ignore it.  Perhaps you thought you could get him back in your life with sex.  Sadly you failed to realize he wasn't that keen on your sexlife together to begin with or he'd have kept you around longer the first time ... or at least until he found someone suitable for the long term ... someone such as myself.  I mean ... I won't even get into what he told me about your 'preferences' during the act ... it simply makes me shudder.

Am I being too hard on you?  Not really, no.  You deserve all that comes your way in regard to this matter or any other of the like.  I've stated nothing but the facts I'm aware of here.  Sure, there are a few digs here and there but surely you wouldn't expect to hear from ME and NOT have some form of resentment.  And surely if the roles were reversed and I was the stinky *****, you'd write me a letter of disdain as well.  

And yes, *K* is miserable with his decision on a daily basis feeling nothing more than shame and hurt - hurting for how much the two of you put me through.  He thanks me repeatedly for not raking him over the coals even though he says I have every right to.  He says I've been too kind in all of this, too selfless, too blah blah blah.  Perhaps my unwillingness to make him feel worse causes him more grief?  I figure the emotional torment he puts himself through is enough punishment and I don't need to assist.  He's capable of adequately punishing himself.  I'm fairly sure this form of suffering is not only sufficient but normal for those of us with a conscience.  I cannot imagine how you feel ... surely something along the lines of; anger, foolishness, embarrassment, disappointment, regret, shame, etc.  I just wonder if this is something still affecting you emotionally.  I often wonder if it's something you were able to move past with speed.  And if so, I wonder how long it took you; hours, days, weeks, months, still coping?  I often wonder how you would have reacted had you been his fiance and I his mistress for the night.  Maybe I'm just searching for some form of validation that you too suffered in all of this.

Did he lie to me?  Maybe yes, maybe no.  Did he lie to you?  YES!  I want you to consider that and realize where you truly stand in his life because you do not stand in his life except to serve the purpose of reminding him of a great mistake that nearly cost him all his happiness.  I tell you this because should anything happen to he and I in the future and he begins dating someone else and perhaps again finds himself in a 'situation' of unease or perhaps prior to finding someone else who's longterm material ... I hope you'd not pursue him again when he *hypothetically* contacts you.  That would be silly.  You are your own worst enemy in doing so and in the future would have no one to blame but yourself as you do NOT HAVE to reply to any man's emails or affections.  And surely you've come to realize this after 'our' experience (I suspect you knew this long ago) and are arming yourself with the knowledge of this lesson.  Hopefully you will not encounter any more of these 'situations' in the future.  Hopefully you find someone who loves you as *K* loves me.  And, yes, I truly mean that with no vindictiveness intended ... because the man does love me so and it feels wonderful.  I'm fortunate and I only hope you are as fortunate some day as I am.  

I can promise you that any guilt, shame, sadness, embarrassment, foolishness, ANY emotions you feel or felt regarding this entire mess pale in comparison to what I've gone through and continue to be tortured with.  I can promise you my tears far out numbered those you may have cried and those in your emotional banks.  For this reason alone I should be much angrier with you and should have much harsher words for you.  I simply can't help but feel sorry for you in some ways.  I will pray that this is not a pattern you continue as it is not a fruitful nor respectful one.  

And don't lie to yourself about this or about me.  Don't try to fool yourself and play the victim.  In one of your emails you quoted *K* saying, "What happened to, 'what she doesn't know won't hurt her?'"  Yet you proceeded?  Listen, *stinky ******, I've been in your shoes before.  The difference is that I most certainly did not handle it anything like you did.  NO!  I waited until the end took place of it's own accord.  I did not even befriend the man nor provide support during his plight so as not to incite any hope of a relationship and give him 'reason' on my behalf to hurry nature along.  And I most certainly did not sleep with him/them knowing about his fiance, knowing it was not yet over, etc.  That's simply not acceptable nor is it respectable.  I've been cheated on by 3 of the 4 men I've been with in my life.  This was the only time my significant other was honest about my presence in his life to the mistress and yet you went on with it as if I'd disappear from his life after more than a year of love and devotion in a puff of smoke or something.  At least the other mistresses had no notion of me nor of the relationship they were destroying.   

Thank you for making our life together better with your selfish ways.  I'm sure you'll go on to inspire many more wonderful relationships for other couples that you yourself will not get to enjoy or reap the rewards of.  I suppose we all have our roles in life, don't we? 

I understand you enjoy baking cookies.  You know ... I've seen pictures of you throughout the past couple years.  It seems you eat most of them as well.  Just thought I'd mention the fact that you might want to lay off those cookies if you ever want a man of your own rather than being a sad excuse in a man's life as you attempted to be in *K's* life...  

There's really nothing left for me to add here ... other than; don't ever contact *K* again ... not even if I'm out of the picture.  I tell you this to spare your feelings as he holds no respect for you and I'm positive he hasn't anything nice to say to you nor about you.  At least if you refrain from contacting him again or replying to him again you can attempt to maintain a level of dignity no matter how low it is.  

Thanks again, *stinky ******!

*constant*

Oh and P.S. I have herpes.  You might want to get checked ...

AbbyNormal AbbyNormal
31-35, F
15 Responses Aug 16, 2007

Ditzy, your comment was just what the doctor ordered. Thank you for your support and understanding.

I wish i could write like that, for myself or to 'her', stinky rotten *****, sent or not sent, if i hadnt read other peoples advice first i would have said send it for sure! but thats me, feet first. I can imagine how it must have made you feel so much better. I wouldnt even be able to think like that let alone be able to write it down.<br />
I suppose the fact that it was laced with justifiably wicked humour shows that you never really intended to send it.<br />
It was always meant to be for yourself. I cant imagine how the letter would sound having stinky ***** replaced by her real name.<br />
You definately should seriously think about taking up writing, theres so many avenues you could go down.<br />
I cant ever imagine you shrivelling up like a grape in the sun lol

You know, El, I have considered a career in writing - I considered a career in Advertising (my background) Technical writing. However, I have no formal education in this matter nor REAL experience. So, regardless of natural ability or inability, employers don't want to consider me for such important positions... <br />
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However, if I could work from home being a technical writer - my life would be fulfilled as I'm tired of sitting home considered to be 'disabled' and thus not being 'able' to nor allowed to contribute to society. While it's true, I cannot make it into the office regularly, my brain STILL WORKS! I'd like to utilize it before it shrivels up like a grape in the sun.<br />
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If you have any recommendations, hints, tips, etc. Please feel free to send them my way! I'm open!!!

Constant - Have you ever considered a career in writing? I have written short stories and brochures that were half the length of that letter, and not nearly as coherent. You seem to crank the copy out so effortlessly!

You know, Celainn, I can't disagree with you. It's always been one of my weak points - being truly; nasty, vicious, evil, vindictive, malicious, etc. I'm not sure why. GAWD KNOWS I want to be and chances of the letter being shorter if I had the ability to be truly nasty is about 199%. <br />
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I think I make up for my inability to be EXTREMELY mean with sheer volume. Maybe ... maybe not. I'm not sure. What I know is that I worked on purging these words for several days because it seemed as if they continued flowing much like a water spring.<br />
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Perhaps I am punishing the more creative types with my mundane and minute details that only make sense to the analytical types ... <br />
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Like I told El, I had no true intentions to send it but after having it OUT of me it felt so good that I wondered how much better it'd feel to send it! WOOOOOO!

Yeah, I prob. wouldn't send the letter either. But if you get a moment of insanity, I'd keep it short and sweet: DEAREST STNKY WH0RE....YOU LOSE! heheeheheee

... and Mr. DoDo ... thank you for the well thought out advice and thought processing plan. I know you get told this all the time, 'Mr. Popularity,' but ... umm ... You're fantastic!

Mr. DoDo ... I really don't have a 'plan' nor am I trying to achieve anything other than marking a goal as "complete" here on EP. <br />
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The reason for writing the letter was for me to purge, release, be free of all that 'stuff' that had built up without me knowing it. After I finished it, like I told El, it felt sooooo insanely wonderful that I began to wonder how much better I might feel if I actually sent it. I suppose my motivation would be to exact a revenge of sorts ... like verbally bashing her windshield or slashing her tires or whatever. (Personally, I can't do what she did ... I've known women who have and I didn't think it was right or even 'okay' then.)<br />
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I suppose the most important thing here is that I've cleaned house - emotionally and literally. (It smells like a swimming pool - bleach - in here. hehe)

This is great. Frequently painful events are necessary for spiritual growth. Sounds like you turned a sow's ear ;-) into a silk purse. Good for you.

I substituted her real name with *stinky wh*re*. As a matter of fact in the 'real' letter I don't call her any name but that which her parents gave her upon birth.<br />
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I didn't write this letter with the intention to send it. I wrote it as a method of therapy, to expel all the negativity I hold/held toward her. Evidently, I held a TON of resentment toward her considering how long the letter is! lol But it felt AWESOME getting it all out!!! It felt so fantastic I began to wonder how much better it could feel if I actually sent this one. Just for the record, I've never sent one of my "Letters of History" to this date. This one is just so very tempting though.<br />
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The perk: I haven't posted anything in a while - not since my return from a 4 week hiatus. I figured I could utilize my therapeutic *Letter of History" to complete a goal. *shrugs*<br />
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And I guess you men are correct. *begruding sigh* I knew it wasn't a good idea to send in the first place but it would have felt just THAT much better if I could so I was toying with the idea minus real intention I suppose. However, I just might have sent it dependant upon response here... one never knows.<br />
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As for S.O., his problem and the earning of trust ... I wasn't lying in the letter - the things I told her about him and I are true. He and I (the relationship) are better than we've ever been. It's extremely bizarre to say the very least but it is what it is. It seems this indiscretion served to improve our relationship which is much to the contrary of my previous experiences. It's puzzling. After he answered all my questions and once I was able to ascertain his motivation for seeing it through was not derived of guilt nor shame but rather of a genuine desire to be with me ... it's as if the trust magically appeared again. I still question things with a certain amount of cynicism but that's who I am and what I've always done. I later spoke to his mom about the infidelity and she told me that he'd come to her in tears about a week before it went down. She shared what he told her and as it turns out he was telling me the truth of his reasoning or lack thereof ... so it seems with their very close stories.<br />
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*K* has been better than I would have been through this entire ordeal. Sure he should be since he's the one who ... but I don't think I could deal with the guilt of it looming over my head no matter how much I loved someone. I would HAVE to get out just to save my own emotional well being ... or so I think. Then again, who knows?<br />
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No worries, at this point I'm sure to keep my upper ground since I don't much care to wrestle with any livestock.<br />
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Thank you, El, for your advice and well wishes.

DO NOT SEND IT. Any letter that starts out, "You stinky wh*re," is going nowhere. The letter is very long, very analytical, and very rational. It won't be read. People don't run on logic, they run on emotions. The issue here is why your S.O. strayed. He's the one with the problem, he has to earn back your trust. As to this OW (Other Woman) she's not worth your time and attention, much less the thought it took to compose this letter. Don't appeal to her sense of decency - or reason - it's a waste of energy. Some letters aren't meant to be sent. You know what they say about wrestling with a pig. Right now you have the moral high ground. Keep it. Good luck.

I am not sure what you are trying to achieve by sending this letter?<br />
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I simply can not see how any good can come of it.

According to both of them, the only disparaging/negative thing he told her about me was that I wasn't keeping house very well and then he excused it with the RSD. Perhaps not having seen the email communications wherein they discuss me both before and afterward puts a bit of a different spin on it. Her brief synopsis of me afterward, after I mentioned Karma to her, was: "She's much nicer than I would have been! Had it been me? WOOOOOO buddy! I would have tore into her like she's never known!" (that was intant messenger quote)<br />
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She knows nothing negative of me with exception to what I mentioned previously. However, I am suspecting by your reaction, DoDo, that this letter in your eyes reveals more than I want it to and would cause her to retalliate with a vengeance, eh?<br />
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OK OK OK<br />
<br />
What if I take out all the nasty, belittling, unneccessary digs? Do I have to take them ALL out? Can I still threaten her with *herpes*? hehe

If I was her, and I got this letter, I think I would read the first few paragraphs before screwing it up and chucking in the bin. And if I did read it all the way through, I would take it as validating everything that I had done in the past, and as confirming every bad thing I'd ever heard *K* say about you. I would probably also be very angry and offended, care even less about your situation than I did before and be quite keen to get revenge for this letter by endeavouring to sleep with *K* again, or at least make your lives a misery, to try and get back at you for the hurt your letter caused.<br />
<br />
But I'd be sweet to you, face to face.<br />
<br />
For anyone who's interested, my thought process for evaluating this sort of thing goes a bit like this:<br />
<br />
Ask Yourself:<br />
<br />
1) What is the purpose of sending this letter?<br />
<br />
2) How do you want the recipient to *feel* as a result of reading this letter?<br />
<br />
3) How do you think they *will* feel and react as a result of reading this letter?<br />
<br />
4) If there is a lot of emotion involved, imagine the situation involving complete strangers, then re-read the letter. What do you think the letter says about the character of the author?<br />
<br />
Thinking about this letter that way didn't yield very good results for me.<br />
<br />
My vote is:<br />
No.<br />
NO.<br />
<br />
and...<br />
<br />
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
<br />
But I suspect that it's one vote per person ;)

Thank you for reading this NOVEL entry as well as providing your support, bb. I do feel I've taken several potshots, especially toward the end. I'm not sure I should keep them as part of the letter should I send it to her though. <br />
<br />
I definitely was not as vicious as I could have been or would have liked to have been. But then I've never been good at being truly vicious. I may have a bit of a sharp tongue from time to time but vicious I am not.<br />
<br />
*K* showed me pics of her that she'd emailed him long ago. These pics chronicle her changes throughout the past couple years. I noticed she's gained about 100lbs so while you were commenting, I was adding a dig! lol It's the second to last paragraph and goes something like this: "I understand you enjoy baking cookies. You know ... I've seen pictures of you throughout the past couple years. It seems you eat most of them as well. Just thought I'd mention the fact that you might want to lay off those cookies if you ever want a man of your own rather than being a sad excuse in a man's life as you attempted to be in *K's* life..." <br />
<br />
Buahaahahaha<br />
<br />
I guess we're at 1 out of 1 voting to send the letter.<br />
<br />
*evil meniacle laughter*