Unemployment BluesI'm just going to say it— being unemployed sucks... balls... nasty balls.
It's been this way since July, after my boss reassured me that she wouldn't leave me screwed if she happened to close the company. Well, she closed the company, and yes I got screwed. So far, nothing has come up. I've applied at some places however most of the jobs require some sort of education that I just don't have. I do have the skills to do the same crap, but I guess that doesn't count. Here is the real kick to the jewels; the thing I actually have an education for, I can't even get a job in. Why? Well, all because I don't have a portfolio made. School time I never took the projects seriously, so they never did end up as portfolio material. Trying to build one up now seems rather daunting. I know I'm making excuses with saying things like 'I lack the materials to create the projects I see' or 'I can't come up with one original idea that would help me stand out'. All in all, doing something in the art lines has me feeling like Indiana Jones stuck in a cellar where the walls are caving in. There are times when I have to ask if I would actually be happy in a art related job. Would art become an annoyance to me? Something I loath having to do and being always paranoid that the client's visual eye is more matured than mine?
At the very same time, I think about all those other jobs out there. They seem so grey and gloomy to me. By taking something that is completely out of the norm, would I only be pushing myself down the depression tunnel faster? I'm inclined to say yes.
So what could I do that would really make me happy? Well, I know that I love writing— but here is the thing, I'm not really good at it. I know my grammar is shot, it takes me forever to poop out something. Normally I just sit there, gazing blankly at the screen, thinking long and hard about the right way to word things. I'm defiantly no linguistic genius nor was I ever really good at poetry.
There has got to be something out there that I can do and find somewhat enjoyable. I just haven't figured out what yet. In the mean time, I spend my time working on my writing, sending out resumes to places I don't really want to work at, and hope that someday soon I'll hear my calling.