I Haven't Been Out On A Date In Years.

I find it kind of funny that this site tells me to "share my story" considering there's no real story to tell. For the hell of it I typed in the words "I haven't had a date in years", got led to this site and sure enough there's no one that has apparently written about a similar problem thereby giving me something to relate to.

Fortunately, I'm usually more bitter abot the whole thing rather than depressed though let me tell you; when that depression does kick in it's a doozy. When the absense of affection from another human being or even any physical contact starts getting to me I can go anywhere from telling myself that I'll get over it, to waking up in the morning only to go right back to sleep wondering what the **** the point of waking up is. Seriously, I mean that in a very literal sense. Now I know if there's someone reading this they're wondering if the pathetic miserable guy writing this has any friends at all. The answer id that yes. Yes I do. They're not many. I'm thinking of exactly four real friends that I talk to regularly. Problem is that when you're a 31 year old single guy and your life seems to be stuck while your frinds' lives move forward it kind of leaves you in a tough spot. You can't exactly ask your buddies if they want to hang out when they have a spouse they need to spend time with.

So we get back to the whole me not going out on a date thing. Now the thing is that I'm not exactly sitting in my apartment thinking that I'm some frog waiting to turn prince as soon as some woman bothers to kiss me. I'm flawed. Holy **** am I flawed. I'm geeky, I hte clubs, sports, parties, and just about any situation that involves more than three other people. I am however able to do ok in social situations even though I don't love them. However, I don't understand how it is that other people do it. Other people seem to be perfectly capable of meeting each other, connecting on at least the most superficial level and building on something from there. Granted, it usually crumbles but at least they get to squeeze a couple of good years out of it before it does.

How the hell is it that people do it? How the hell do they mee someone that likes them? Someone else that they in turn like back? How do they manage to actually open up and talk to one another? Maybe it's a location thing. I'm living in Boston and let me tell you, approaching someone around here and saying "hi" gets you the dirtiest looks you could ever imagine.
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5 Responses Nov 27, 2010

This could have been me a decade ago, dude. I went 10 years without a single date - yes, that is right! The reasons were many - some made sense, others were just plain BS. Most of it came from the fact that I lived in small lumber towns during my early 20s (when I should have been in college), working at an employer that hated me. I also had bosses that put me under a microscope and seemed to know everything including your private life. I also had parents who were not sociable and a mother who said 'better to close your mouth and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt'. Which I very stupidly believed at face value.

I had to change scenery before I got over this. Sounds to me like you are in a very tough spot. Do your friends have any ideas?

It was only two years for me. Honestly, I know I am able to get a date. However, I know I have to work insainly hard for me to just meet people. I thought of the pros and con's of having a girlfriend, and I decided it is not worth the rediculus effort it takes me to visit social places. Once a month, I pop a few dollars on a massage to get the touch I need. Sometimes, I will even visit an escort. However, that is all the social interaction I need, so I simply enjoy gaming, soldering, writing, and programming.

<p>I know how this guy feels. My last date was the night that Princess Diana was killed in Paris. I asked out over 300 women over the next ten years, and got some of the most pathetic reasons why they couldn't go out with me. The top reason was that she "just remembered" she was a lesbian. Others were she was too tired, not dating anyone now, too busy with work, family problems, and I wasn't her type.</P><br />
<p>After the ten year mark had passed, I decided not to ask out women any more. I would wait for them to ask me out. Unfortunately, women don't find me attractive enough. I am depressed, but at least not rejected. Hopefully, soon, lightning will strike the same place twice, and I'll get asked out. But I'm not holding my breath on that one.</P>

good questions and observations<br />
if i had any idea or suggestions i'd try to help.. but here i am on the same boat as you trying to eat my shoe to stop from going insane

I know someone who seems to be able to pick up friends at the drop of a hat. Can bond with people and make them comfortable to be around him quickly. Then he's on to someone else. Others have commented to me what a phony he is. I guess that's the key. Quantity over quality? Maybe.