30 Year Old Virgin

i'm thirty, and i'm lacking with my abilities with women... at least from the perspective that i have high expectations and am picky about girls i'd want to share my body with.   i've had girlfriends and there are constantly a few girls in my life that are interested in being with me, but i crave more than just accessibility and compliance...   that being said, i'm a little confused why i'm a virgin. when i was 15, i told myself i wanted to hold out for the right girl.. i wanted my first kiss to be my last, and my first love to be forever. i want to hold to the ideals of a knight in shining armor. i wanted to hold to my christian ideals and all they promised as well.   fast forward fifteen years, i've found myself just as hopeful about love, but conflicted about sex. i crave it, wild, passionate, soft, tender, thoughtful, spontaneous.... and i want to explore. Lord knows i've waited, i've held out, and much longer than everyone around me. everyone. everyone except those who dont have options, but frankly i dont count them because its not by intention they are virgins.   i've recently decided that i'm going to let go of my rigid ideals and release myself into the world of sex before marriage... with a very simple but important thought;   i want to find a girl that i am attracted to who is expressive enough that i know we can talk about it and share our feelings with each other afterwards. a girl who could share with me closure and understanding after we share our bodies... its not the forever and ever requirement that has tormented me for so long. instead, it's something that would allow me to swim in the pool of intimacy i've been yearning for, for so long, in a way that would make me happy.   we all take different journeys through sex, so after 30 years of sadness and happiness, i'm here at the beginning :)
shael shael
22-25, M
1 Response Jul 26, 2010

I like what you said! I hope i get a girlfriend SOON! :)<br />
Thanks!<br />