Finding In Hard to Move On

I am finding it really hard to move on with my life. I just recently got divorced in December and I don't even know how any of this happened. Stephen, my ex, and I married four years ago after about a year and some four months of dating. Everything seemed really good, then he was shipped overseas to Afghanistan for his first tour of duty. For the first six months, everything seemed fine. The suddenly he starts getting ugly. Calling me fat, telling me I need to lose weight, he wants a divorce. Then he'll say he's sorry and we'll rock along for a few months and then it starts all over again. There's not enough money in savings, where was it all going? Then he starts with divorce again. It kept up until he came home from his tour. Granted I should have flown up to New York to see him, but I was thinking about saving money instead of being with him. He comes home and says that he wants a separation. I talk him out of it and said that we needed time to adjust to him being home and deal with any stuff from the war. But then, I'm too independent for him, he's not right for me...etc. We get stationed out in Hawaii and everything seemed to be getting better. Then he goes to training in Ft. Leonard Wood and I don't hear from him but like twice. He comes home and says that he wants a divorce the next day. Just like that. No let's talk this over, let's get counseling, nothing just I want a divorce. He spent all his time on the phone with some girl he met in a bar in St. Louis talking about our marriage with her instead of me. Then I decide to fly home to Texas and he gets mad at me. I tried talking to him about it, I called this girl and told her to leave my husband alone, and I tried to make it work. (I still want him back) Then he just stopped calling me and eventually in November he went and filed the divorce papers a week before he called to tell me. Finally, I call him on our anniversary and beg him not to do this that we can fix what's wrong with our marriage. He says happy anniversary and then says good night. Of course, I was wrong to tell him that if he does this that I never want to see or hear from him again. But I was really hurt.  Five days later he has a no-default marriage declared I get the paperwork in the mail and find out that he's engaged to the girl from St. Louis. I still love him so much. I have a hard time getting it all out of my head. What can I do?

Is it too late to tell him that I still love him? Or do I just leave it alone? He's the first guy that I've ever been with and I do mean The FIRST. I wanted to marry for life did I miss something that I should have seen while we were dating?

AshleyD AshleyD
22-25, F
Mar 15, 2009