Dead Inside But Still Breathing

I met this boy a few years ago at summer camp. I had a instant attraction but he was dating my sister a few years older than I am. they broke up and I helped him through it then the next year at camp I didnt go. Then one day we got to talking then flirting and I felt on top of the world. We talked about marriage, kids, and our life together. I had known he was a bit of a player but he told me I was the one and only and he felt alive with me. Then I went to camp this year and he was all over other girls so like any 15 year old. I got depressed and cried and thought I wasnt good enough. Then camp was over my week was ruined and I was on my way to packing my stuff and he comes up and just holds me. Then we didnt talk for months then I went to lifelight ( a music feastival ) and he was there and we were walking and talking him apoligizing and we went to his campsite and we were staring at the stars and he kept calling me beautiful. And now he stills flirting with me and I dont think he knows how bad he hurt me. but I want to scream at him and hate him but I cant help but love him and everytime I see his face I want to run and hide. I know this has no point besides to feel sorry for myself... I know I shouldnt. I apoligize for wasting time.. thanks for reading though :)
deleted deleted
26-30
Nov 25, 2012