Advice To Husbands About Getting Your Wife To Go Topless

First of all, don't try to "talk her into it." She's going to have to do it on her own. You can let her know you don't mind. You can even let her know you'd like her to, but you risk making yourself seem like some drooling jerk she's trying to avoid. So I think you should go very lightly on that point.

There is one thing that will probably prevent most women from going topless, the risk of "getting caught." If it's illegal or not done on the beach you're at, chances are she just won't. If she's adventurous and a big risk taker, she might, but if that's the case, you probably wouldn't be reading this for advice.

There are two reasons women do or don't go topless: 1) the pleasure and comfort of being without a top (or the discomfort), and 2) the desire to show off a bit (or the desire not too). Let me describe those more fully for you.

1. Comfort
Some women a just uncomfortable without the support of a bra. I won't go into the physical mechanics, but it's just that some women experience discomfort if their boobs aren't supported. If that's the case with your wife, you should probably just forget it. The flip side is that most women enjoy the feel of fresh air, warm sun, and warm water on their breasts. Many like the feeling of freedom and being unrestricted. That's why many women go without a bra whenever it's practical, or in private at home. You can try convincing your wife that it will feel good, and that she should give it a shot. Again, don't beg, cajole or nag. That will make you seem like a jerk.

2. Exhibitionism
Women are all over the map with this one, and that's probably why men are so confused about women. Keep in mind that we've spent our whole lives since puberty worring about how much or how little to show. Do we wear something tight and low-cut to be attractive, or do we wear something loose and modest? Are we trying to impress a man with our attractiveness by wearing something sexy, or with our professionalism by wearing something conservative, say on a job interview? Guys are really fixated on breasts. Well guess what, so are us women, since everything we put on, we know will have a certain effect on men. At least, most of the time.  (It's a pain in the *** having to always worry about the effect our dress will have on men, by the way.)

So there are 3 ways to go on the showing off thing. Either accept it and enjoy it, ignore it, or deny it.
The women who accepts it realizes that men will look and enjoy the view, and she'll acknowledge that and either accept it, or be OK with it. If that describes your wife, it's likely that she'll be pretty willing to go topless. What you can do is to encourage the "what the hell" attitude, and let her know you're fine with it.

The other end of the spectrum is to deny that there's anything sexually attractive about going topless in a setting where it's very common. Those European beaches where 3/4 or more of the women are topless really do seem like that. When everyone's doing it, it can desensitize everyone. Well, maybe. Believe me, the guys are still looking and enjoying, but are more discrete about it, and they know how not to act like jerks. If you're in a place like that, you can encourage a nonchalant, "when in Rome do as the Romans do" attitude. BTW, I've always felt that a topless beach is somewhat sexier than a nude beach, since only the women are taking off something that usually stays on.

Ignoring it is in the middle. It's an attitude that acknowledges what men will be doing, but says, that's not why I want to go topless, I can't control how men react, and I'm doing it for me, not for them. So I'll just ignore how other men are acting, or pretend that they aren't getting any charge out of my being comfortably undressed.

On the other hand, there are women who really hang onto a deeply held modesty, and aren't going to expose themselves no matter what. Many women start out with this attitude, probably from years of training by a conservative society. If she's not going to budge, again you might as well forget about it. But most women will eventually develop a more liberal attitude. They still might not take it off, but they won't be categorically opposed to it.  Hanging out at a topless beach is the best way for a woman to overcome this issue.  A good attitude from her guy is critical.  If he's leering and ogling everything in sight, and secretly taking pictures, that will be a turn off, since it's reinforcing her idea of how other men will be viewing her.  Keep it cool, and she may figure that other men will have the same mature attitude.

If you want your wife to go topless, you have to figure out what the atmosphere of the beach is like, and what your wife's attitude is. How willing will she be to let it all hang out, and how will she feel about men seeing it? Once you figure out those things, you may have a better idea of how what kind of encouragement will work.

There's one other thing that has a bearing on a woman's attitude about going topless, and that's her self-image.  This kind of goes into both areas, of comfort (how at ease she might be at letting people see how she really looks) and of exhibitionism.  Again, women are all over the place.  Most women wouldn't qualify as models, and are OK with that.  It's hard to overcome the pressure society puts on us to look like supermodels, knowing that 99% of us can't, but most of us are at least aware of the effect this has on us.  But some have a pretty negative view of how they look, and would be very reluctant to go all the way in removing a top.  If they seriously feel that their breasts aren't symmetric, or that they are too fat, they'll much prefer the shape altering or shape hiding attributes of a good swimsuit.  If you've done your job convincing her of the ways in which she is physically attractive to you, this should be less of an issue.  But on the other hand, if you've gone overboard telling her she's got the most fantastic **** in the world, she might feel that she can't go topless without turning on every man in sight.

Personally, I love the feel, and I love the attention. So my top is coming off whenever it's appropriate. Bottoms too. If you give me a smile on the beach, I'll smile back!  But don't expect your wife to be the same way. Respect her, and let her discover the pleasure of experiencing going topless at her own speed.
bigredd67 bigredd67
41-45, F
12 Responses Jan 12, 2012

I think you have the topless thing down now all we need to do is to get you at ease with posting a picture on EP topless.

What an perceptive and well written post - thank you!

Please take a look at the picture of my friend. See if you can guess by looking which of the three approaches toward going topless in public describe her. I have an opinion but would like to hear other views first.

An honest analysis and description of the factors that affect many women. The same fundamentals apply to many issues, not just whether she wants to be topless in front of others or not.


I wish my wife would go topless, let alone, braless. I have let her know this.

This is one of the first pure advice stories I've ha the pleasure to read. Thank you for the advice! This is definitely going to help.

Very well said. I have had the opportunity to visit topless beaches both here and abroad and I must say that European beaches are a lot better than stateside. You have hit the nail square on the head.

My first wife was European and she never fully understood American attitudes on nudity. Once, she laid out topless (face down of course) in our front yard. She was approached by a local ten year old boy collecting money for some worthy project associated with school. Of course she could not put on her top in front of him and she didn't just say now. She covered herself with her hands as she got up and went to get her purse inside. And then she threw on a shirt, came out, and made her contribution. It may seem remarkable, but she was not trying to be an exhibitionist!

Thanks for the great advice. I've been on both sides of this as my first wife hated wearing a top and almost never did, whereas my second is way too modest. I've had a hard time with this as I got so used to topless never being a big deal. I have gotten my second to wear a bikini (she didn't even own one when we first met!), and she had come to prefer it, but as she has gotten older, she seems more reluctant. She looks damn good for her age, but, of course, her figure can't compare to a much younger women. I try to compliment and support her as best I can, but I am never sure how much or what I should or should not say.

the best insight on the topic for me

well said! patience has paid off for me. although my wife won't go topless or nude all the time, it's always a pleasure when she does

Absolutely GREAT advice RigRed. THank you very much for trying to explain the unexplainable to us poor dumb guys. What you say makes perfect sense, and I for one thank you for taking the time to help us understand. It may or may not change the outcome of my quest, but I'll certainly attempt to be more understanding and supportive from now on.<br />
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Thanks again --- TWOF