My Heroine, My Life

It would be easy to blame my addiction on my parents. They were both heroin addicts and when me & my sister (twin) were born we went through withdrawing. My sister has used heroin but never became an I can't really say that's why can I. Growing up with addicts for parents was traumatic....still can't blame that I used to escape to our grandparents a lot leaving my sister to manage them....she looked after them, administered counter-drugs when they'd od'd, made sure they didn't choke, pretty much ran the house.......I often have wondered in the last few months if that's why.....I was too wussy & so have never learnt to take responsibility whereas my sister having to deal with that growing up had the strength of character needed to be able to experiment with drugs without getting hooked.
We never took anything growing up, it wasn't until we moved away that we tried see what all the fuss had been about all these years. Used it on & off for years before it became a real problem, by which time my sister had stopped 'experimenting'. Three years ago we went back home to help our parents get clean.....fairly successfully...kinda..... that episode put me off using for a while, which was when I realised that using on & off for around 7 years had gotten me into a that was hard....wasn't exactly withdrawals....just really really really missed it.....tried an assortment of other drugs to fill in the gap.....then this year went back on H in a big way....lost my nursing job, became a prostitute, tried going cold-turkey at home ~ didn't stay clean long, got sectioned to a mental hospital.......since I came out I've tried moving to a new town & starting a new life....but with no job/no money...I missed my old life so much I've gone back to the city.....& gone back to prostitution to pay for smack.............
ornament ornament
31-35, M
Dec 8, 2012