Heroin - The Love Of My Life

I started to use heroin when I was about 20. Me and a couple of my friends had been taking Valium so we were off our heads anyway so we thought it would be a good idea to try it. Try everything once that was my moto. So we did try it and instantly loved it.

But one of my more experienced friends said that I should inject it as that was the way to get the best out of it. So I did. I was nervous but excited at the same time. Thing I remember was waking up at the hospital. The nurse told me I was very lucky to be alive - I had died twice. When I left hospital my head was totally still messed up from the Valium so I went to a guys house who I knew sold heroin and smoked some more of it, At the same time he was giving me Valium. I don't really know what happened over the next few days but it seemed like I was now his girlfriend - he was 35 so there was quite a bit of an age gap. Then things went from bad to worse, I was smoking heroin but then got asthma so then we started snorting it and then injecting it. And that was the second time that I died, you think that would have sparked a trigger in my head but as soon as I got out of hospital I wanted more!! I had moved into his house at this point, he only lived a couple of streets away from my mum - who was disgusted in me. So I lost my job which I loved and started injecting everyday but I was sitting in the dealers house not my boyfriends cause I was sick of paying to fund his habit aswell. So he ended the relationship and I went back to stay at my mums but she chucked me put within a month and was going to make me stay in a homeless unit but I knew that would just make things worse - I would become an even bigger addict. So I asked my friend if I could go and live with him and he lived in a different city. He helped me so much, there aren't enough words to say how thankful I am to him. I stayed there for about 3 months then I cam home to my mums.

So my life was back on track. I got a job again and I was starting to speak to my old friends again. Life was looking good. And it was for about a year and a half.

Last year in February I bought my first bit of heroin again - I have no idea why, things in my life were goin fine the doctor is going to put me on a detox plan and hopefully it helps, I hate waking up and the first thought that goes through my mind is heroin but I'm going to try my best and hopefully be able to give up this horrible horrible disease plus I've started going to NA meetings so hopefully they help.

 

PS - Me ex-boyfriend died from a heroin overdose in 2008 - R.I.P

 

 

 

 

 

sinead12 sinead12
22-25, F
9 Responses Feb 14, 2010

As you know

There is one thing you HAVE TO realize about addiction. Doesn't matter what addiction, they are all the same. Drinking, gambling, drugs, sex addiction. It may take you a lifetime, but what I am going to say is true, I am not going to sugarcoat it. I am being straight up. So here goes: Addiction is a sickness, it is like any other kind of sickness, cancer, you have to want to get help in the worse way, you need to feel like that is all you want to do is get that last chemo treatment so you can, hopefully get well. Ok now back to drugs and alcohol. You have to want to quit, no one and I mean no one will or can make you quit. There are a lot of programs that work, I will tell you about one later on. Now let's talk about you, you are just as sick as he is...you are an enabler...as long as there are enablers around, he will continue to use. I would bet, you have scored drugs for him. Just giving him a place to stay or bailing him out of jail is enabling his addiction. Your addiction is taking care of his wants and needs. Whether it be food, shelter, clothes, or sex. It doesn't matter you are enabling him. Ok let's talk about treatment. The Salvation Army has one of the most successful programs around. The court system sentences users to their program, in lieu of going to prison. They must complete the program or go to prison. The program is called The Adult rehabilitation Center, or the ARC program. A little about the program. It is a 6 MONTHS MINIMUM program, they live and work at the center, they have no contact with the outside world for the first 30 days, you must EARN privileges, you are taught self esteem, they provide all necessities, such as clothes, towels, showers, a job, toothbrush, anything you need with the exception of drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. They encourage families to participate in their recovery. They provide moral support for the families. The can stay longer if they feel a need. It is not an easy program, but is not easy chasing the monkey on your back.The best part of the program other than the addict beginning recovery is there is no cost to the beneficiary, the family, the city, the county, the state, or the federal government. The program is funded through donations of clothes, furniture, cars, etc. they put the merchandise in their family stores, people purchase the donated goods, thus funding the program. The reason I know about this program is: I have been a volunteer for The Salvation Army for 14 years. I am a member of the advisory board for the county of Santa Clara. We have the program as most other corps have the program as well. Good luck

Life is precious and a sometimes people take it for granted.One mistake and you'll never see the people you want to see except maybe when it's their time.You have to go back in time when you were a little girl running around at the park or in school laughing and enjoying life and having that feeling inside your body of how life feels so good when you have your friends and family and you wake up want to
socialize and tell your friends about the latest gossip in the school or how you are doing in sports or any of the interesting things you experienced when you were a child.To your mother you will always be her little girl and if you ever have children you'll understand how beautiful children are and how honest they are because they just want to learn, and thats what parents are there for which is to teach them about life and protect them.Start again and erase that section of your life as you build a new one because misery loves company and remind yourself that you are not company and that you are better because the sun shines for those who want to experience it.You don't want to be looking at yourself ten years from now and thinking i'm still doing the same thing i was doing ten years ago because time waits for no man or woman.It's all in the company you keep so go back to the real people in the world and not the garbage. Take Care.

Karl

I understand wanting to score after the hospital. I overdosed and was stuck in there for a month. I couldnt walk at all now im able to but still wobbly. I lost all the muscle in my legs and feet. I'm working on building it all back but it's gonna take a while. I've been clean since I overdosed in jan 2013. I still think about it and wonder if it was ever in front of me if I would do it. Or have I been scared straight completely? Good luck with everything!! If you wanna talk I wouldn't mind I can't do much would be nice to have a friend :)

Sorry about your man!! Many good friends of mine have died of overdoses!! I am into morphine tablets! I also have a methadone habit. I have done this since I was 19, now I am 40. My hubby is an addict too, but he has gone from meth onto Subutex. No withdrawels, he is cured! Now this is all I want, to get down to 30mil then I can switch too!!! I am sick of meth, everyday just topping up, never feeling great!! The tablets too have lost their allure!! I don't crave them like I used to. Have you thought of methadone?? It would level you out, be stable for you?? Not forever like, but to help for abit?? Better than always scoring, all the illegal ****!!! You thinkl?? Be careful injecting, I used to crush pills and bang them, but I lost all my good veins!! I wouldn't touch needles now, I have seen too many abcesses,DVT, lost fingers ,limbs. Its not worth it! One day you will have enough, I am there now! Seeing my other half all cured when I feel like **** is a wake up call, it really is!! All I want is off!! Good Luck!!!

Oh God honey I know just hang in there - I had to do that myself and I am a HUGE BABY. If I made it through anyone can. Motrin, hot baths, don't isolate and try to stay mentally occupied - movies whatever. Time will pass quicker than you think and someday this will be a distant memory. Remember our brains are programed to forget pain. Otherwise women would only have 1 kid!!! I'll be thinking about you...

Thanks, didn't realize that it was a religious organization. Going to stick at it and see what happens.<br />
I haven't started takig Suboxone yet but I'm getting fast tracked by my doctor so should have started taking it within the next 2 weeks or so so I'll let you know how I get on. Really hope that it works cause at the moment it's a complete nightmare cause I'm not on anything.

Hey there! I don't know the dif between Subone and Subutex but the one I did hear about people LOVED. Have you started taking it yet? Let me know what happens. Lord I used one thing or another since I was around 12 or 13 and I'm 41 so it's been a LONG road. I had a few years in there clean but now I also have pain issues - severe arthritis for one - and I HAVE to take something to function and Methadone was my best option. AA, CA, NA work for SOME but not for me. Number One they say it isn't a religious organization which is a lie and Two if it doesn't work YOU somehow didn't work a "good enough program". If I wanted more guilt I'd call my mother. Anyway it DOES work for some especially for people that need to make new friends that don't use. I'm pullin for ya I know how hard it can be. Take care!

I know that it's really hard. Doctor is putting me on something called suboxone.....have you heard of it? Been ogoing to NA meetings which have helped slightly but I think that they will get better the more that I go. How long did you use for? If you ever need a chat feel free to get in touch.x

I've been on Methadone for almost 2 years - if you ever need to talk let me know. If I don't get back to you quickly it's because sometimes it's days B-4 I'm on this site. Hang in there. Dog Food ain't no joke.