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From An Early Childhood Scar

Ever since I was a kid, I was raised up with 4 other sibblings.  They are the brains of the family except for me.  I have always had a learning disability since I was little and never seemed to comprehend in speaking.  I had mostly spoke in my mother language at home and never any english.  It had made it really hard for me.  I felt like an outsider, out cast, strange, weird, and dumb not being able to speak to other kids.

Since today as an adult with 5 children of my own.  I try my hardest to give them all even love, care, and cuddles even when they don't need it.  Not like my parents all they did was their own thing and never gave a hoot.  The others are all the precious ones and even when I was sick I had to go to school.  I don't know but still today I hold that grudge.  I never have or will do that to my kids. 

When we get all the families together for reunion etc I was still classed as the outsider and that I am a dumb mum who is single and doesn't know anything.  At least my only reply I could give was "at least I love all my kids evenly" not one is a black sheep lost in the woods.

I find it hard to get people or read their expressions on what they think of me but who gives.  These days I just pretend to be happy and content but deep down my heart just has this  burning sensation that just wants out.



mumwithtwins2 mumwithtwins2 36-40 1 Response Mar 19, 2012

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am sorry to know all this happened to you!<br />
Well, in some way or another, u r not the only one suffering from a dry family belonging!<br />
Every one has his own scar in the heart and really few people seem to be content for what they have as a family, whether their parents' house family, or their partner's house family!<br />
Take care of ur kids, give them what you didnt get, feel the bless of having kids to substitute ur deprivation feelings into your kids and u'll start feeling better as i hope!<br />
Know that if u didnt pass in all what u had in the past, you wouldnt be able of taking care and protecting ur kids to this extent :)<br />
be blessed u and ur kids....aycha