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I Hide My Depression From Everyone Who Knows Me

Almost Everyone.

By: KittenHasaWhip
Written on September 9th, 2012
I can't hide it from my husband. He knows. He see through me. Perhaps he is the only person on the planet who can. Everyone else see's the "other" me. The happy me. The funny me. The smiling, joking, cute me with the awesome sense of humor. They don't know that behind that big smile is a broken person. They don't know that I wear myself out sometimes pretending to be happy. It is exhausting. I can't keep it up all the time. I have to return to my solitude and rest at times. Who can keep up a happy facade all the time when inside they have been destroyed? 

I hide my depression because there is still a stigma attached to it. There are still people who think it's all in our minds or we are defective or weak. I hide how I would like to go fall asleep forever some days. I hide that I am hurt. I hide that I am one of the walking dead. Dead inside from years of sadness and hurt. 

I wish I wasn't so fragile or shattered but that's who I am. Half a person.
By: KittenHasaWhip
Age: 46-50 , Female
203 people have read this story

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5 responses
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    RojoJeepNut
    RojoJeepNut

    This may help you.
    To be the Captain of your own Ship, and Master of your own Soul, you must become Independent and Secure within. You must take charge of yourself and not have anyone to be dependent thereto. only then can you have your Liberty, totally owned by you. This allows you to say No to all things you do not agree with. You must be strong enough to Sail your own Ship and take responsibility for yourself, without having to ask for permission.
    Solve all problems that are keeping you from this goal, then take action to be Independent. Then you can safely say to anyone who wants to be with you, Okay, tie your rope to my Star, and lets see if you can hold on. If not, Cut them loose.

    Jan 17
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      KittenHasaWhip
      KittenHasaWhip

      That may be true but it won'r change a chemical imbalance.

      Jan 17
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    Chica955
    Chica955

    Depression is difficult to live with, my daughter suffers from it. Her Dad and I have and still do all we can to understand and be there for her. As a family we DO NOT hide the fact, as we believe the world needs to understand it can affect anyone. There is no one immune. NAMI has been of great help to us.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and hope you have a good day today.

    Oct 30, 2012
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    zzltfrg
    zzltfrg

    Maybe half the person you would wish to be, but at least twice that of most others. Try not to despair. I have put up a facade for years. The person who emerges from my diaries is a world away from the one that people think they know. Maybe, the reality is somewhere in between.



    I think it's a good think to project a happy, positive image, if you can, as no one likes to be with someone who always seems to be unhappy.



    I hope that depression loses its stigma over time. I am sure we are moving in the right direction.

    Sep 11, 2012
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    CopperCoil
    CopperCoil

    Just another one of the silent prices we pay. it's an invisible burden only those afflicted can comprehend.

    Sep 10, 2012
    2 likes