Reflection

I'm 16, and have felt my depression for almost a month now. I have not seeked help, and it is often the most hard hitting when I'm alone. I'm male, so I find the fact that i think that i am fat and disgusting to be something that is hard to share with people. My parents almost caught onto it, but i am usually successful in masking myself to appear happy. My father almost found out because i would only eat one meal a day, and it usually wasnt much. One attempt at suicide, and it scares me to think about; i had an impulsive urge to run my car into the freeway barricades, and my muscles locked in, bringing me seriously close to doing it. What stopped me was thinking how much of a selfish bastard i would be to leave to just leave everything and anyone like, how much of an *** i would be by killing myself. Have not cut myself, because theres this girl that i like and i feel like it would disgust her if she saw it. I really hate myself, but i hide it from everyone, and im afraid to seek help. Dont do what ive done, its scary and i feel trapped.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 8, 2013