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Always Done It, Its Just Me I Guess

well sure i have always smiled to hide the pain away, its like a reflex. every time something bad happens, BAM
a smile. But another thing is i want to help my friends, i don't want to think about my life, my problems, my fears.
when i help others i stop thinking about my life which helps a lot and also if i cant necessarily have the life i wanted or well its not going so great then i can try and help someone else to do something good in their life. i just hate thinking i guess about my life, lately i have just been denying that anything is wrong with me. well I'm also a little confused right now because i don't know whether to break into tears or laughter's.
But the most important its a shield for me, makes me feel strong that everyone thinks that I'm alright, nothing can bring me down, its this massive barricade no one has been able to get through. a few people have climbed rather high on that wall but never reached the other side, OK yes you could say i lie that I'm happy but i just cant help it, and i cant help it that i have this massive walls around me
UmbraEyes UmbraEyes 18-21, F 3 Responses Dec 3, 2011

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its noble to do what you do but it has its costs

I feel this alot of the time.<br />
My friends are so important to me,I just couldn't worry them if I got upset.<br />
My family is important to me too,and I'm always the strong one of my family so<br />
I have to show I'm strong.<br />
i hate when people say,'you need to tell someone,blah,blah,blah' because then I know they don't get what I'm going through.I am glad to know there are people who understand this.<br />
I've laerned not to let others see I'm upset.I hide behind a smile so that people can not feel what I am feeling.

join the club! its just im so used to being the strong one, everyone relying on me. so when someone comes and says i want you to rely on me, its so hard to break the habbit and idk feels so odd

Yes, I am the same in a way. For me, I don't want to spread my negativity to others and keep other people in stable happy conditions. I think emotions/feeling are very contagious and I try to make things harmonious and with no bad vibes to ware off people. I learn to master my emotions because it can literally get the best out of you. <br />
Now I do cry out to people when I need it, but sometimes regret it because they expect me to tell them everything all that happens to me all the time and I need my space. Really complicated, but sometimes I think it's best to just hide your pain with a Smile so you don't rub off to people.

exactly! finally someone that doesnt say but you need to tell people how you feel blah blah blah. i think that a lot of people feel some kind of security? if they know that you are doing well because then they know they can rely on you and they feel better, and like you said feelings are contagious.