That's How I Was Brought UpI don't know how to let someone see my pain.
Throughout my childhood it was drilled into me that you never let anybody know feel bad, be it in pain, depressed, or angry. If you aren't happy, don't show it. Pretend you are happy.
I was told when I was growing up nobody cares how I feel. They don't want to know. They don't want to help. Don't bother them with your problems and just bottle everything up inside and say you are fine.
This is why I can't get a therapist to treat me. I can't go in and let it all down. I say I'm going to go in and tell them how I really feel, but it never happens. The Little Miss Mary Sunshine mask comes on and they tell me I don't seemed depressed and they wouldn't be able to do anything to help.
I guess after all these years I got really good at it.