I Brought It To Myself.

26 yrs old male, no job, still studying for about 10 years now after i graduated in high school.
My parents are so kind to me that they let me finish another course. after i procrastinate and went so easy in my first course, it was a 2-year course that i finished in 4-5 years and after that i cant find any good jobs after getting my diploma on that course.
And so my parents decided to let me study again in another course, a bachelor's degree in engineering, this is when i began to fail miserably. At my second year in that college, i began to fail and keep failing for more than 3 years now, let me just say that in 5 years, i just finished about 30% of all the course/subject.
I should have graduated by now, but i am not. Also, for the last 2 semesters, i am faking that im still taking up classes and attending them, nobody knows that im not enrolled. my old classmates graduated, and i am still here, heading towards a miserable future.
I am afraid that my parents will find out, that is why, i am looking for a job right now. well, i cant find any. and even if i ask myself what job to get. i have no idea what i want. i cant think of anything.
I cant believe that i have done something like this. time sure is fast. wasted alot of time and money.

I dont know if i expressed my self correctly, i dont know if you get it or not. i envy those people who have set their goals and have secured their future. I blame myself. back at that time, and maybe until now, i only cared about what is, present, never cared about my future. Until i got into this mess and had a realization.

What i want to do now is, go somewhere far, work just to feed my self. and forget about everything, never have any contact with family and friends. the fact that nobody knows about my problems, even my close friends dont know that im in a big mess, i have no people to rely on. i dont have any clue what to do.

I wish i could turn back time, or maybe just maybe, meet someone who could help me, someone who will not judge me. even though it doesnt sound so much so, if you look at my situation, it's nothing compared to what others experienced, but still, i need help. sometimes i feel like death is the only solution, but im afraid to do it. if you have read this, thx alot for giving this worthless guy your time.. ill be back checking for your comment. it dont have to be nice. ****, im crying right now, i think ill stop for now.
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 17, 2013

I think i know how it feels, i couldn't finish my fifth semester on a career i really liked, now i have to start over on a career i'm not sure about, i'm just doing it to get something done. I have so many ideas i want to share with the world, but i don't have the enough skills or knowledge to get it done, some are just distant dreams, i start projects but never finish them, i want to do so much, but i feel time is going too fast and running out.
I will see my classmates graduate before me, will see them get their stuff done before me, i too wish i could have done something to change my outcome, so i just make plans, and even though iv'e had opportunities to do something, i almost never take them, and when i do, i don't make the most of them.
Maybe i'm just scared of becoming successful at something, i just want a peaceful life, want to forget people and want them to forget me, were it so easy, but there is a lot on my mind i just can't focus on just one thing and go for it, it's overwhelming, and when i just stop thinking about it.. another day passes by.
So i just smile as if everything is cool, as if i knew what i'm doing, because i really don't want to disappoint the people i care about.
I keep thinking, hoping, that someday, i'll snap and get something right.
I just know, that i can't give up, we can't give up, have to keep searching, i have to show everyone who doubted me, everyone who left me behind that they were wrong.
You're not alone, we can always get up again, we can always keep trying, we can always try harder.