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Rotting

aren't my outsides pretty? look how much i'm smiling.. yet i feel like i'm rotting..i am EXTREAMLY angry, EXTREAMLY upset...you think i really trust you? how the **** could i? ive been drugged, poisoned, nearly drowned by my freind when i was 4 she thought it would be funny. hell, she was laughing the whole time...i was trapped in this wooden shed when i was 7 by the bullies barricaded in...they set it on fire...im just glad the shed was falling apart, i managed to hit some boards loose and get out, nearly strangled to death....hit to many times to count dragged around by my hair, my mom used to not feed me, i used to steal food or beg when i was 5 i had this abusive teacher she encoraged the class to do the same she REWARDED them,i was not allowed to cry or smile i would get hurt worse, "what right does a freak have to be happy" and HELL maybe i don't i don't really know, she had me locked in a mental hospital when i first defended myself this girl had pushed me off the swing had me pinned to the ground she was going to punch me i caught her arms and bit
ive been punched in my stumach so hard i gagged blood beaten unconsis IM ANGRY. WHY AM I A FREAK... what did i ever do to you guys...why.. sometimes i feel like i hate everyone sometimes i wonder why i don't just hurt them as much as they have hurt me if im really such a monster...i cut, bite claw slam myself into things, rip at my hair, burn, stab,well lots of things...ive been self destructive since i was 6 suicidal since i was 8 but the suicidal attempts started more at15 a near success at 16 my freinds finding me nearly dead on the floor....they saved me...sometimes i wish they would have just let me die...sometimes it feels like everything hurts...all the way from being touched..to just interacting with others....i dont react to phisical pain eather i dont feel it or i dont allow myself too...

but

smile

like anyones ever cared like i truely matter

im nothing but a freak
bloodredhanded bloodredhanded 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 1, 2013

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you're not a freak. The people who have been through **** are labelled as 'freaks' or 'introverts' or anything/everything. Remember: if you're a freak, Im a freak too. You need some fuc*ing love. It will come, till then. Im there for you.

HOLY ****!! That's beyond awful. You are not a freak. You are a lovable person. Anyone who says other wise is asking for it grrrrrrrrrr

and that is holy f*** to be specific.