Ruined Car And A Free Dinner

I open one eye as my alarm goes off, barely cognoscente of my surroundings. The floor happily jumps up to greet me as I roll off the bed, it's time for school it's hard embrace seems to say. Groggily, I walk to my closet and put some half clean clothing on. As I pull my shirt over my head, I remember myself saying to my advisor, "Ya, early classes don't bother me"...I lied. I hate the morning, if it was a man, I would punch him right in the throat. But I can't do that, so I settle for calling the morning rude names. I finish this tirade against the enemy of night as I get into my car. It's 6:45, or as I like to call it, "really early night". It's dark, dreary, semi-cold, and dewy. I'm tempted to karate chop the air, that'd show the world how mad I am. Instead, I settle for pounding my feet while walking to the car. I start my drive towards school. Around the countryside, next to the river, through the woods to grandmother's house I go. When suddenly, a goliath of a deer slams into my car. Silly deer, if you wanted a hug you could have just asked! I watch in slow motion as this 500lb. doe flips over my hood, onto my roof, and down the back of my car. I slow my car down and jump out, ready to confront this 600lb. doe. She is definitely paying for these damages, crazy lady. I look around, where is this 700lb. doe?! It seems as if  the deer vanished into thin air. Silly deer, look at all the damage to my car. I handle all the issues with my car, call the insurance, report the wreck, lovingly rub my hand along the once pristine body. Now, it is time to find the deer! I call the game commission and they say I can keep the deer if I find it. So, I wander along the heavily wooded road and find the deer. My girlfriend and I pull the 900lb. doe up into the car and drive away.
Now as I sit here eating some roasted deer loin, I can't but help and think: this is the most expensive piece of meat I will ever eat. Delicious.
Sillydeer Sillydeer
Sep 6, 2012